“You don’t jerk off on your videos and I know you know I know it.” She rolls her eyes like she also knows I have permanently killed my boner factory. It’s on strike.
Pissed at me.
Maybe I’m pissed at myself.
But this thing with Laney couldn’t have happened any other way.
If I hadn’t heard you could make a little side cash waving your willy on GrippaPeen.com, I wouldn’t have tried it. If I hadn’t unexpectedly shot to the top of the charts—who knew knitting and dicks would be such a hit?—I wouldn’t have had the cash to pay for Emma’s wedding, Chandler wouldn’t have asked me to cover it, none of us would’ve gone to Hawaii, and the last week with Laney wouldn’t have happened.
Ergo, if I wasn’t an internet porn sensation, I would not have had an opportunity to fall so hard for Laney.
And Laney dating an internet porn sensation isn’t happening.
It’s just not. This is too far for her.
And now I’m being an extra-big dick to Sabrina because I can’t deal.
She’s right. I don’t jerk off on camera.
“I’ll ask her to invest,” Sabrina says, “but not yet. She has enough going on right now.”
Fuck me. When does it end? When does everyone else quit piling on the guilt too? Does she really think I don’t feel anything about what I did on Saturday? “You want to say something, just say it and go away.”
This time, I’m treated to a classic Sabrina Sullivanyou are an assholelook. “When I sayenough going on, I don’t meanshe’s crying into her pillow over how you were a total dick. Please. Laney has enough self-respect to know when she deserves better than a guy who’ll break her heart because he’s terrified of having feelings for someone so awesome. I mean, you give someone a little bit of time to recover when they break their leg skiing. Self-centered much, Theo?”
I’m out of my chair like a firecracker went off in my butt, scaring all of the kittens and Miss Doodles too. They go flying back toward my bedroom. “Shewhat?”
“She has enough self-respect—”
“Thebroken legpart,” I force out through a clenched jaw.
“Oh, you didn’t know?” She crosses one leg over the other and leans back in her seat. “Sorry. I’m off gossip. If you didn’t know, it’s gossip. My lips are sealed.”
“Sabrina.”
“If you were family, that would be one thing, but you’re just the guy without the balls to trust she’d listen to you explain why you like to make money baring the goods on the internet. You don’t get the story about how she decided to skip work and go skiing and have fun and put her life ahead of her job, since you have todo the thingsto earn the inside story about people you want in your life instead of justsaying you’re going to do the things.”
Jesus. The café’s new owner doesn’t stand a chance if this is even a fraction of what she’s about to throw his way. “Is Laney okay?”
“I mean, as okay as a person with a broken leg can be.”
“Did she really break her leg, or are you fucking with me?”
“For your sake, I’m going to pretend you didn’t ask me that.”
“Where is she?”
Sabrina makes theI’m zipping my lips and throwing away the keymotion.
Emma will—fuck.
Fuck.
Emma’s not answering her phone while she’s on her solo honeymoon. Hurting. And I can’t fix it.
Just like—fuck.
Like I’m hurting. Like Laney was hurting Saturday.
