I fist my hair and stifle a groan. “I don’t want people judging her and treating her like shit for what I do, and they would.They would. I’m a fuckingporn star, Sabrina. And she’sLaney fucking Kingston. She deserves better than everyone thinking about her sex life every time they look at her, andyou fucking know they will.”
“You’re not aporn star. You’re a naked inspirational speaker. But if you want to call yourself a porn star, fine. Put yourself in a box. Limit your possibilities with labels and assumptions. Have all the doubts in the world about one of my very, very best friends on this whole entire planet, who wouldhappilylove you with everything she has to give if you’d pull your head out of your ass becauseshe’s not her fucking parentsandshe deserves some fucking credit.” She rises. “And now you’ve made me mad. I take it back. I have no interest in letting you have any part of my hostile takeover bid to get Bean & Nugget back.”
“You can’t do a hostile takeover on a private company.”
“Aww, look at Mr. Smartypants. And I thought all that time you spent playing on Reddit and tripling your money on that stock squeeze gamble was just for fun.”
Is she serious? Is she serious right now? I didn’t even tellEmmaI was playing along in a littlescrew the hedge fund managersthing last year, and she hasn’t gotten hold of my bank records to do my taxes for me yet this year.
And that’s another thing I’ll be in trouble for.
Lack of correct estimated taxes.
I hate the real world sometimes, even if I love a lot of people in it. “How the fuck—”
She waves a hand and flashes me a smile. “Oh, sorry. Forgot. I’m done gossiping. And now I’m mad that you tricked it out of me.”
“Where’s Laney?”
“Not tricking that out of me. That one, you have to earn.” She dusts her hands. “Cute cats. I like them. Let me know if you’re selling any. I feel like Bean & Nugget could use a feline upgrade. I mean, if my dog doesn’t eat them. Which he probably won’t. Probably.”
“I’m not selling my fucking cats. They’re my cats. Finders keepers, and I will fuckingdestroyanyone who hurts them or comes between us.”
“Oof. Someone’s in a mood. Better leave you alone.”
“Wherethe fuckis Laney?”
“That’s too many fucks, Theo. I don’t like beingfuck-ed at. You’re on your own. Bye, kitties. Don’t let him fuck at you too, okay?”
She strolls back through my kitchen, and a moment later, the back door clicks shut.
I lunge for my phone and pull up my Hey Neigh neighborhood app, which is the second-best source of information on Snaggletooth Creek gossip behind Sabrina.
Been avoiding it because—yep.
Theo Monroe is a porn star.
Here’s Theo’s GrippaPeen profile.
Is he really that big?
This isn’t appropriate for us to discuss. There are CHILDREN on here.
Whoa, he’s making like, OVER A MILLION DOLLARS A MONTH. You think he needs someone to run his appearances? Like an agent? I can learn to be an agent.
Saw three more reporters in town at Bean & Nugget this morning. Hoping for a Theo sighting. We have a CELEBRITY in our town! This is so exciting.
Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT give the reporters information about Theo. HE DIDN’T SHOW HIS FACE FOR A REASON. And he’s one of ours. Protect him at all costs.
Yeah, protect him. He’s OUR porn star. They don’t get any part of him.
I put on blinders, pretendTheo MonroeandGrippaPeenare about someone else, and I search for Laney’s name.
And there it is.
Sending hugs to Delaney Kingston. Poor thing. Did you all see her cast? I put together a meal train sign-up for anyone who wants to help her out.
She broke her leg.
