But back into the safe little box of joyless, day-in, day-out, same old same old repetition when I get home at night?
No.
Fuck Theo.
I’m going skiing.
It’s been a few years, but my ski boots still fit. My helmet still fits. My ski pants still fit.
My absolute doozy of a hangover from my last night in Hawaii is almost gone.
AndI’m fucking going skiing.
And, pardon my French,fuck the bunny hill.
I’ve been skiing most of my life.
I don’t need the bunny hill.
I needspeed.
I needfun.
I need to prove that I’m not a stick in the mud. My reaction to fallinghardfor someone who neglected to tell me thathe’s a porn star—and he’s right, a big one at that, no pun intended, damn him—is a normal reaction for even the most adventurous women in the world.
Fuck Theo.
Fuck Theo and that fucking video of his that Sabrina made me watch while we were at the bar.
She showed me his penis on his GrippaPeen channel.
His glorious, beautiful penis, standing fully erect against the backdrop of the ink on his hard stomach while he knitted one of those hearts that were all over the resort just above it, his voice filling my ears.People will tell you that you suck sometimes. Those people aren’t the people who matter. Those people don’t give a shit about you. They care that they feel better next to you. Fuck those people. Cut them out. You deserve people who love you unconditionally and forgive you unconditionally. And when you find those people, do the same for them. If you don’t love them, if you don’t want what they think is best for them, if you can’t forgive them, then maybe you’re not the friend they need either.
I shake my head while wind chills my face on the lift up the mountain.
It was like he was talking directly to himself.
Emma gets to make her own mistakes. You can’t coerce her to not marry Chandler just because you don’t like him right now.
He didn’t want her to get married.
Buthe still paid for the wedding. Heset the whole thing up. He fixed all the problems at the resort that didn’t even check us out on the last morning because it finally ran out of staff and shut down.
Because it was whatshewanted.
He trusted her enough to let her live her life on her terms, and he made sure it wouldn’t be an outside force that pushed her into making a decision she’d question the rest of her life.
I don’t know if I could ever do that for someone.
I don’t know how many people in my life would see what a gift that was from him to her.
But I know it’s what I’ve never felt like I had from my own parents.
The gift of being able to make my own mistakes, no matter how big or small.
I always felt like I wasn’t allowed to make mistakes at all.
And I know it’s complicated.
