Waverly: Oh, god, you’re probably getting shit from Fireballs management too, aren’t you?
Cooper: Nah. Tripp and I had a talk, and we’re good. But if Levi calls you, it would be great if you could tell him you’re going through a playboy baseball player phase and you’ll be the one stomping my heart into dust. Not that he has any say in what happens to the team, but when your brother owns the baseball team that employs the guy who’s not good enough to be dating the pop star they both consider to be their adopted little sister…
Waverly: I think I followed that… Why do I get the feeling you and Tripp are not, in fact, “good”? Do I need to call him after I text Levi and tell him neither of the Wilson brothers are entitled to opinions on who I hang out with in my free time unless they have evidence you’re secretly a pop star killer?
Cooper: Nope. I looked Tripp square in the eye, said, “Waverly’s a grown-ass woman. You’re not trying to run a grown-ass woman’s life, are you?” And then his wife cleared her throat, he looked properly chastised, and Lila informed me that if my dick causes her headaches, she’s calling my mom. But Lila can’t chastise Levi the same way she can chastise Tripp, so it’s like, one brother down, one more to go.
Waverly: I can’t decide if you’re paraphrasing or if that truly happened.
Cooper: It happened. The entire Fireballs organization knows my mom. She’s awesome. She also knows how to push my buttons like nobody else, because she’s my mom. Also, she says she’s going to be very upset if either of us hurt the other, and that you looked beautiful in the picture of us leaving my house.
Waverly: *eye roll emoji* I looked fine. But it was a flattering photo of you. You’ll get some great attention out of this.
Cooper: I don’t need attention.
Waverly: Maybe this is a good thing. If we’re not hiding, you could go with me a few places next week. Like the movie premiere on Thursday night?
Cooper: You’d want me to go?
Waverly: Why not? It would be fun, and I’d honestly get endless enjoyment out of watching Geofferson’s fiancée ogle you. You should wear your Ash suit, and we can take bets on how many tabloids will say you looked fabulous and daring while I was trying too hard to outdo my last red carpet look.
Cooper: You could go in jeans and a tank top and you’d look amazing.
Waverly: So it’s a date?
Cooper: Yeah. Let me tell my agent, and it’s a date.
Waverly: You have to tell your agent?
Waverly: I mean duh. Of course you should. Your people should always know if you’re doing a big public event. They hate being caught off guard.
Waverly: It’s not like you’re going with me so you can up your visibility and get some better endorsement deals.
Waverly: Ignore me. I’m being ridiculous.
Cooper: Sorry. Made too much noise and Robinson got suspicious. Had to go quiet a minute. My agent got me this sunglass endorsement deal a few months back, and when I told him I was going to LA for the All-Star break, he moved the photo shoot up to the same night. I’ll have him move it back again to after the season’s over. Not a big deal. Figured I’d be flying solo while you were out doing your things. Happy to be wrong.
Waverly: Oh. Duh. Right. You do this all the time too.
Cooper: Not quite as often as guys on teams that win more regularly than we do, but yeah, I get around a little in the endorsement circuit.
Waverly: Do you like it?
Cooper: Usually. I like that I’ve basically bought a whole mountain off of my endorsement deals. Feels like I’m following my pirate ancestors’ footsteps in letting companies pay me stupid amounts of cash to pose in their shoes or sunglasses or whatever so that I can buy one more bit of land where my great-great-great-to-infinity grandfather supposedly buried his treasure.
Waverly: You… bought a mountain.
Cooper: Ninety percent of Thorny Rock Mountain. Not to brag, but I’m literally king of the Rock. Even if Beck Ryder’s house technically sits at a slightly higher elevation than mine does. I’ll convince him to sell one day. But now that he and Sarah have the baby, and with it being a better environment for her bees than his penthouse in the city, they’re out there more and more. Gonna be an uphill battle to win that house. Literally.
Waverly: What do you do with it?
Cooper: My mountain? I rent out the houses. Mostly vacation rental stuff. Funnel the profits back into running the Pirate Festival and some Little Sluggers leagues in the county. Stuff like that. Don’t tell a soul, but I anonymously started sponsoring the Unicorn Festival in Sarcasm a few years ago too. Seriously pissed off all of Shipwreck when Sarcasm announced it, but the two towns picking back up with their feuding means both festivals get higher attendance, and now, with so much of the world going digital and people being able to work from anywhere, population’s growing both places too. Not saying I single-handedly reversed a few decades of our towns going into slumps, but I’m not saying I didn’t either.
Waverly: *eyeballs bulging emoji*
Cooper: Figure I’ll donate the mountain back to the town when I die so they can keep using the profits wisely.
Cooper: And now you know my deepest, darkest secret.
