But tonight was a way to say goodbye to what might have been. Maybe in another life, Zack and I could have found a way to make it work.
Focusing on our bodies, I ran my fingers down Zack’s abs to the front of his jeans, unbuttoning them. Meanwhile, Zack had run his fingers into my hair, cupping my scalp in a way that made me feel owned. Again, his mouth was on my neck, consuming my flesh like a starving man but one who was afraid his meal might be snatched away from him at any moment. With what little coherence remained in my brain, I said, “Come on,” leading him into the bedroom.
For just a moment, I saw clarity in his eyes as he contemplated what we were doing—but he followed as if he were a lamb being led to the slaughter. Once inside the doorway, I paused, again searching his eyes before placing my fingertips on his chest.
Just one time.
The very last.
Sliding my hand to his neck, I rubbed it, gently pulling his face close to mine and we kissed again. With reverence, he pulled my t-shirt over my head, his hands softly cupping my breasts, then fingering my nipples as a rush of breath poured from my mouth. He continued kissing my neck as I unbuttoned his jeans.
His cock was hard and I briefly wondered if he’d ever been that rigid before. It had been so long…
After pushing his jeans partly down his thighs, he let me go and sat on the bed, untying his boots before pulling off his remaining clothing. I pulled off the PJ bottoms. They were so innocent-looking, a light gray background with white polar bears on soft fleece, not the red-and-black lingerie of a seductress. No, that would be Braden’s on our honeymoon night.
And as I pulled Zack on top of me and he entered, that was what I thought at the back of my mind. What Braden and I had was adult—lasting, permanent, and what the world expected. Zack and I were stuck in the past, two stupid kids with more hormones and emotions than common sense. Tonight, we were putting our past to rest with as much reverence as we could manage.
As he moved inside me, my body remembered that sensation, so different from how it felt with my future husband. Braden was an attentive, caring lover—but this new version of Zack was someone I hadn’t experienced before. He wasn’t selfish as I’d known in the past.
Still, without words, his eyes seemed to ask me every question that should be asked—but I didn’t have those answers. So we kissed again, communicating in the one way we always had. As he gently rocked inside me, I felt the heat produced by our bodies and my nerves responded.
Once more, his lips moved to my neck as he slid a hand between us. My legs were spread wide to take all of him in as my core absorbed each push, reveling in sensation. But when he touched my clit and began swirling against it, I couldn’t hold on any longer. Against all odds, I forced myself to be quiet, reserving that song for the man who would be my husband.
Soon, Zack slowed as well, quietly experiencing his ownclimax. After several seconds, he rolled off me and held me, my back against his chest. As the sweat cooled, I pulled the comforter up so that it partly cocooned me, tucking it underneath my arm.
And then we lay in silence. Thoughts of Braden whispered through my head and I did my best to clear them…until sleep finally took me in its silent embrace.
I wasn’tsure what time Zack had left the night before, but when I woke before dawn, he was gone, the only trace that he’d been here the still full cup of chamomile tea at the table. As I washed away the evidence in the sink, I squeezed my eyes until the tears stopped.
And then I got in the shower to scrub away the last traces.
Why the fuck had I done that? Why had Zack? What the hell was wrong with us?
In the cold light of day, I knew we were both selfish, uncaring, undeserving friends—and, regardless of what he’d said, I knew Zack was a mistake. He always had been and always would be, and I was a fucking idiot to believe he could ever change. Just the fact that he’d been struggling to resist last night told me that it was just a matter of time before he would give in to his addiction again.
And I had been weak. I had given in to an indulgence I’d known I shouldn’t have.
Braden, please forgive me, I thought as I blow dried my hair.This will never happen again.
When I finally looked at my phone, I had dozens of messages—but none from Zack. For that, at least, I was grateful.
First there was my mom.Happy day to my beautiful daughter. Let me know if you need anything. xoxo
Then Roxy:So excited! I’ll see you at the venue. Dean’s being an overbearing ass. I’m telling him sayonara as soon as the wedding’s over! Can’t wait to see you, D.
And my future husband:I’m going to breakfast unless you’re already there.
There were many others wishing me a happy day.
I texted Braden first.I am the luckiest woman in the world and I can’t wait to see you. Just tell me when you’re done with breakfast and I’ll grab a bite. See you this afternoon.
Then I texted my mother, asking if she and my grandparents would wait to eat breakfast until I was ready. She texted back:We were hoping you’d say that. We’re all drinking coffee in their cabin. Just let us know when you’ll be there.
Last, I texted Roxy and told her she was doing the right thing.
I could learn a thing or two from her.
As I slathered lotion over my skin, I knew I had to get my head on straight. Last night only meant one thing: I was letting Zack go forever. He had never been the one for me and I needed to accept that fact now and forever.
