Mick’s light blue eyes narrowed. “What do you mean?”
Oh, Jesus—did he think Zack had assaulted me? I didn’t want him to have that erroneous impression. “I don’t want to witness another OD.”
“I already told you that won’t happen again.” When Zack finally spoke, his voice was far too loud, and a family at the next table shot us a look. Well, at least he hadn’t cursed.
I glared at the man I used to love to the depths of my heart. “Maybe not. But people die from alcohol poisoning too—and I don’t want to be around when it happens. Because, at the rate you’re going, it will.”
Zack looked like he was trying to come up with a good retort but his head hurt too badly to focus.
Oh, fuck.Had I done that? Had he drunk more than he usually would have because of my confrontation last night?
No, Dani—you can’t keep taking on his burdens.God, I wanted to blame myself and, yeah, maybe I’d triggered something, but I couldn’t be responsible for his behavior. I’d told him more than once that he needed counseling—he needed to talk out all that shit with someone who could help him figure out how to navigate his feelings, and he’d blown it off. He’d tested two therapists and decided there wasn’t anyone who could help him.
And that wasnotmy fault.
I couldn’t give in now, not like I had time and time again. I had to be strong.
“So, as I said earlier, I will fulfill my obligations—but you’ll have to find someone to replace me.” Childishly twisting the knife, I said to Zack, “Maybe you can call the Cheyenne Mountain Zoo when we get back home. They might have someone eager to hit the road with you guys.”
Again, Zack opened his mouth—but he had nothing.
Yeah, I thought so.
And, with that announcement made, I had made my bed…and now I could lie in it. There would be no turning back from this point.
At least, as I stared at a cheeseburger that I couldn’t force down, that was what I thought.
We went straightfrom the last show of this leg of the tour in Miami to Texas for the summer festival in early July. No longer a rookie act, we had a time slot in the late afternoon. I was partly excited because I loved the energy of the festivals—but I was sad, knowing this would be the last one I’d attend as a drummer.
Zack had taken to not speaking to me—like, not at all. Infact, he barely acknowledged me as a coworker when we were performing onstage. And I didn’t care. That was a bridge I’d needed to burn for a long time, because too many times I’d ventured across it, only to leave disappointed and hurt.
More than playing for the crowd, however, I was eager to spend time with my best friend Roxy, a woman who was beginning to feel like a sister. We texted often and talked on the phone once in a while, but it wasn’t like being in the same room. And I got to see the new purple streaks in her dark locks, a look that became her signature after that point.
As always, we hung out in her cheap hotel room after the evening’s festivities finished up. This time, though, I didn’t want beer or anything harder. I stuck with Sprite and called it good. Roxy teased me, asking if I was pregnant, but she understood how being around an alcoholic could dampen one’s enthusiasm for imbibing.
I told her right off the bat that I was quitting the band.
“Holy shit. Dani…is this, like, on the record?”
Oh, yeah. How could I forget my friend was a rock reporter? I let out a long breath. “Um…not yet. I imagine the label will want to have a say in it—like maybe announcing it after we—they—get a new drummer.”
“Would you be okay if I hinted at it? Like…” she paused, looking up at the ceiling before continuing. “Like if I said something likeSources close to the band say that one of them is planning to exit at the end of this tour.Would that be vague enough that I could leak it? I wouldn’t have to give a source if I worded it that way and no one would know you’re the one leaving—or even that you’re where I got the information.”
“But wouldn’t people figure it out? Because we’re friends?”
“They can speculate all they want, but I don’t have to give out my confidential sources. And, when it becomes public, I’ll have bragging rights because I broke it first.”
I wondered if anyone associated with us would feel any heat from the news leaking that way—and then figured it would be fine. “Yeah, okay.”
“Now—as your friend andonlyyour friend—tell me why. What happened that made you decide to leave?”
So I told her about my talks with Zack, how he’d become increasingly cold and rude. I’d overplayed my hand, hoping to get him to agree to go back to rehab—but, even though I hadn’t accomplished what I’d intended, I wasn’t going back on my threat. I knew deep in my gut that I had to stand my ground.
“Well,” Roxy said, getting up to grab another can of beer out of the mini fridge, “with you guys’ history, I get it. You have to protect yourself.”
“Yeah, I guess that’s a big part of it.”
“And that doesn’t mean you need to quit music. Once it’s public, I can throw your name out there to other bands who need a drummer.”
