I let out a long breath. This argument was futile and I wondered why I’d even bothered.
But then I realized…I had a proverbial ace up my sleeve. I didn’t have to watch Zack do this to himself. I didnothave to stand around feeling helpless while I watched my friend drown himself in drink. “I’m done arguing, Zack. You need to go back to rehab.”
“Jesus Christ. I haven’t OD’d like last time. I’ve got it under control.”
“Bullshit. Either you agree to go back to rehab…or Braden and I will leave the band.”
Zack’s eyes narrowed and, for a quick second, I imagined I saw some sort of negative emotion there—but he managed to mask it before I could figure out what it was. I had to admit to myself that he did manage to function well despite having had enough alcohol to makemedrunk. “You know what? Do what you have to do. I’m not gonna stop you.”
Fuck. I hadn’t expected him to dismiss my suggestion that quickly—or easily. It was yet another reminder that I didn’t matter to him. Not at all. Between his comments about my drumming not contributing anything to the band to letting me go as if it were as simple as letting go of a string in his hand, I had my final answer.
Although I’d known that for a while…that didn’t mean it didn’t sting.
“Oh, and good luck getting Braden to go with you. Hemight be pussy-whipped, but I don’t think he’sthatfar under your influence.”
LikeIwas a drug?
But was he right or was he just playing his own cards? Zack and Braden’s history went back farther than mine…but I also knew Braden pretty well by this point. He usually agreed with me and we tended to want the same outcomes. But I also knew how much Braden loved playing bass in the band—and how much he loved Zack. Braden might decide to stay even if I left. In fact, Braden might question my entire strategy here…but I wasn’t about to admit defeat. Not yet.
“I don’t think you realize how much Braden and I agree on things.”
Zack smirked, and I wanted to slap it off his face. “Okay.” And then he shrugged. “Do what you gotta do. I’m not gonna stop you.”
Again, the breath rushed out of my lungs—but I couldn’t cower now. If I changed my mind at this point, Zack would never take me seriously again. What would I do when I left the band? I had no fucking idea—but I had to follow through. And if it ultimately saved Zack, it would be worth it. “Fine. This leg has a few days left—and then I’m gone. You’ve made your bed and now you get to lie in it.”
“Oh, hell no!” Zack shouted, reminding me of when he’d lost his shit with me the week before, punching the mirror in my dressing room. “Youcan’tdo that. I’m pretty sure that’s a breach of contract.” I knew he was probably right, but I jutted out my chin, refusing to back down. “If you leave before we replace you, you’ll be fucking over not just the entire band, but the label, our fans.”
Oh, God…yes, there were the fans. I didn’t want to disappoint them, not ever. They were the only reason why we were experiencing success. Still, I simply glared at him, defiant and angry.
“You need to stick out this tour—at least through the second leg. We’ll let the label know to hold off on scheduling anything else until we can get someone on board.”
Unable to help myself, I spat, “How much time will it take you to train that monkey?”
He didn’t respond to that, but he was shaking his head, maybe wishing I’d forgotten that shitty conversation. Finally, he said, “I’ll figure it out. The band will survive.”
I just shook my head and walked toward the door. My hand on the doorknob, I paused and turned around. “Yeah, maybe. But willyou?”
It wasn’t until I got to the empty hotel room that Braden and I shared that I let what felt like the first of a thousand tears begin to flow.
CHAPTER 23
Iconfessed what I’d threatened Zack with to Braden that night when he came back from Cy’s room. “What were you thinking?” he asked.
“I wasn’t. I just…I wanted him to wake the fuck up. I thought maybe I could push him into doing the right thing.”
“Baby...I can’t blame you—but do you really think leaving the band is the answer?”
“I don’t know. But at least I won’t have to watch him slowly kill himself.”
We sat on the bed, silent for a moment, and Braden squeezed my hand. I believed watching Zack implode was just as hard on him, but he didn’t seem willing to take the tough love as far as I had.
And I had to know for certain.
“I, um…I told Zack I’d take you with me.”
“Youwhat?”
I just shrugged, frowning. Braden let out a sigh—but he didn’t indicate if he would leave or not. When he shook his head as if he were disappointed with me like he might be witha child, I grew angry. “I was desperate. It wasn’t sinking in with him.”
