“DoesFerocitypay for your car and hotel room?”
“They didn’t used to, because I was more of a freelancer—but now that I’m on staff, they give me a per diem. Asmallper diem, so I’m pretty much a cheapskate.”
“Oh, my God. I get that. Our per diem is pretty generous, but we’re still in the hole with the label.”
“Jesus. I’ve heard about that,” Roxy said, accelerating when the light turned green. “So you guys haven’t turned a profit yet, even though your first album’s still kicking ass?”
I started to bare my soul and then said, “Off the record?”
“Oh, hell, yeah. Tonight is completely off the record. No work—just play.”
So I wound up telling her all the ins and outs of being indebted to the label—about how we’d dreamed of making it big, scrimped and saved playing in Denver clubs and bigger venues, how we’d actually started doing okay for ourselves just when the label snatched us up and then the expenses came rolling in. While I told her our entire story, she parked in a spot at a Budget Inn. By the time I was done talking, we were sitting in her small room, both with a beer in hand. I sat in the little desk chair and she sat cross-legged on her bed.
“I wish I could tell you your experience is unique,” Roxy said, taking a drink from her bottle. “Actually, I take that back. I think it would be even worse if you were the only one getting fucked.”
“No kidding.”
“So…do you regret it?”
Oh, that was a hard question. Sometimes I did, and it would be a lie to say otherwise. “Overall, no—but there have been lots of moments where I’ve really questioned it all.”
“God. I can only imagine.” After she took another drink of beer, she said, “Do you think you and Braden would have gotten together if you weren’t in the band?”
“No.”
“What about you and Zack?”
I thought about it honestly. A few years ago when I’d been a virgin full of unrequited emotions for that even-then fucked-up boy, I would havewantedthat—but I knew the truth. “Nope. If I hadn’t joined the band, I would still be in Nopal and he and the guys and whoever he would have recruited as drummer would have gone to Denver without me and nothing would have happened.”
“What do you think you’d be doing if you hadn’t joined the band?”
I chuckled. “You’re still a reporter, even when you’re off duty.”
She joined me, her boisterous laughter filling the small room, and I couldn’t help but laugh even harder. “You’re right. I guess I’m in the right profession, because I’m always curious. Orsnoopy, as my mom used to say.”
“So tell me aboutyou.”
“There’s not much to tell, Dani. I grew up in a two-parent household, one of five kids.”
“Five?”
“Yeah—in Montana. My parents are kind of religious so they’re not huge fans of what I do or how I look…but they still love me and I love them. I go home at Thanksgiving and Christmas and we talk once a week. I keep in touch with my brothers too. I’m already an auntie!” At that, she whipped out her phone and started showing me pictures of her family, including several photos of small nieces and nephews that looked to be between the ages of newborn and eight or nine.
We spent more time talking about family and our childhoods and, by the time we each began drinking our third beer, I was completely relaxed. I said, “This is gonna sound reallyweird, but you are my first real female friend. Seriously. In my whole life.”
Roxy scootched to the end of the bed, draping her legs over the side. “Me too!” Her blue eyes grew wide, full of sincerity and happiness. “I was always a bit of the outcast in school. I think it was the religious shit that made them look at me differently. And now, in my current position, traveling a lot, hardly working with the same people—and, when I do, they’re guys—I just figured I was destined to not have close friends. About the best female friendship I have is with my cousin who lives in Wisconsin—and we only talk on Facebook.”
We felt like kindred souls, and my heart swelled even more. I told her all about Ava and how my desire to stop her from controlling me so much led to my friendship with Zack. “So…Zack and me…we’re kind of complicated. He was such a good friend through most of high school—until he started dating Ava.”
“No fucking way.”
“Yeah. I guess that should have been my first clue.”
“God, don’t blame yourself for that. You loved and trusted him—and, even if you hadn’t had a crush on him, that feels like a huge betrayal.”
I had to stop myself from crying. It was so gratifying to feel validated by someone who hadn’t been there—and, even though I knew her judgment might have been biased toward me by that point, it was so good for my self-esteem. “It really did—but Zack was thinking with his—”
“Dick,” she said at the same time I did.
