“Okay, you really want to hear it? Are you ready, Zoe?”
His questions hung heavily in the air. My head was screaming,fuck no!I wasn’t ready to hear anything. I didn’t think I ever would be. I felt my lips move as the word escaped in a breathless whisper, “Yes.”
Shrugging, Spencer looked at me. Really looked. I felt like he could see right through me. When I finally summoned the strength to look up into his face, I could see the pain there. He wanted to avoid this conversation as much as I did. But I knew Spencer. He was stronger than me. He’d push this until it was done. Even though I didn’t want to admit it, I knew it was a conversation we had to have.
“Zoe,” he began with a sigh. “I know how hard this must be for you…”
“No, Spencer. You have no fucking idea.” As the words fell from my mouth, I felt horrible. I was being obnoxious, aggressive, and totally not like me at all. Spencer didn’t buckle. He barely batted an eyelid.
Not one to back down from a fight, Spencer rose and folded his arms across his delicious chest. Even pissed off I could appreciate his masculine beauty. “Yes, Zoe, I do. It sucks. And it hurts. But you have to deal with it. You have to face it?”
“I am!” I snapped bitchy.
With a sad shake of his head, Spencer ignored my rude interruption as if it never happened. “You’re not. You’re running away. Hiding. Pretending it didn’t happen. So we ‘re going to talk about this whether you like it or not.”
I looked up into his face and saw his jaw twitch. Spencer was strung so tightly his fists were clenched at his side. I should have been intimidated, but I wasn’t. He’d never hurt me. “Spencer, you don’t?”
“Stop, Zoe. Just stop!” he said, holding his hand up, silencing me instantly. “Don’t tell me I don’t understand and I don’t get it, Zoe. I do. More than you know. I know how much it hurt you?”
“How can you?” I spluttered as the tears came.
This wasn’t how I’d seen the morning turning out. When I’d woken wrapped in his arms I felt safe and happy. Then seeing Spencer shirtless and dancing, the day looked bright and fun. It had turned to shit quickly.
“Because every time I look at you, Princess, it breaks my fucking heart. Every time you flinch it feels like someone is punching me in the gut. I see everything. Do you think I’m some clueless bumpkin idiot? Do you really think that little of me, Zoe? Do you think I didn’t feel you practically climb into my arms every time someone got a little too close as you passed them on the street? Do you think I can’t read the fear and pain and torment written all over your beautiful face?”
With each word he spoke, my despair deepened, if that was at all possible, and tears cascaded like a thunderous waterfall over my cheeks. Struggling for breaths between sobs, I fell apart.
“Zoe…”
I heard Spencer’s voice crack but right now I couldn’t hold him up. I could barely hold myself up. For a long moment the apartment was silent except for the sniffing, snorting, and sobbing.
“Sp-Spencer?” I stumbled. “Please.”
“Please what, Zoe? Tell me what you need. Anything, it’s yours,” he promised without hesitation.
Forcing my heavy, tear-filled eyes open, I saw Spencer. My Spencer. The pain on his face was etched deep and I knew this was destroying him as much as it was me. “Please…please just hold me.”
