Zoe opened her mouth but no words came out. Moments passed and she snapped it closed again. Not a word was spoken. There was no need. I already knew. Flicking the car into reverse, Zoe slowly rolled out of the driveway. Dragging my feet, I made my way towards the front door before slumping down on the steps. I’d fully expected it to hurt like a bitch, but I didn’t realise it would be this fucking painful, either. It felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest while it still beat.
And because I’m stupid and a masochist and a complete idiot, I looked back. I knew I shouldn’t have. At the end of the street, with the indicator blinking, sat Zoe’s battered red car. I watched and waited for her to take the corner but the car didn’t move. Climbing to my feet, I wobbled to the end of the driveway, my hands on my hips, and waited. Why the hell wasn’t she turning? There was no traffic. No one was around. Still her car remained stalled.
I started to jog down the street towards the stationary car. I thought I was fit, turns out not so much. By the time I got to the car I was huffing and puffing and almost gagging. I didn’t have time to worry about me. Reaching the driver’s door, I looked in the window and fuck, it hurt. Zoe was there, tears streaming down her face, leaving thick black lines in their wake. She was sniffing back deep, gut-wrenching, soul-destroying sobs. She was clutching the steering wheel with shaky hands, barely able to hold it steady. I couldn’t help myself. Poking my arm through the open window, I switched off the ignition before pulling open the door. Leaning over Zoe, I tugged on the park brake before unclicking her seatbelt and lifting her from the car.
“It’s okay, Zoe. You’re okay,” I whispered into her ear as I nudged the door shut with my thigh and carried her up the street. “Kane…Kane!” I yelled as I stepped into the house.
He emerged from the bathroom with a threadbare navy towel wrapped low on his hips. Seeing Zoe crying in my arms, his eyes widened with alarm. “Can you run down the street and grab her car? It’s parked in the middle of the road. Keys are in the ignition.”
I could see the confusion on his face, but to his credit, Kane didn’t ask questions. Instead he nodded and vanished into his room, appearing moments later wearing jeans and pulling a shirt over his head before running out the front door barefoot.
Her tears had soaked through my shirt, leaving a wet patch on my shoulder. I didn’t care. Trembling in my arms, Zoe forced herself closer to me. Her unexpected movement almost caused me to dropped her. Readjusting her in my arms, I flopped into the recliner, Zoe on my lap. I just let her cry.
I don’t know how long she cried. I lost track of time. My legs went numb beneath her bony bum but I didn’t move. I couldn’t. She was an absolute train wreck. Somehow my strong, independent Zoe had broken and I didn’t know how to put her back together. It broke my fucking heart. If I could give her my strength, I would, without question or hesitation. Everything I had, everything I was, was Zoe’s.
Kane returned and slipped inside, offering me a shallow nod as he dropped the keys on the kitchen bench before tossing me a bottle of water and vanishing out the door again. Chicken shit. I knew he was hiding. Tears were not something he dealt with well, if at all. Usually when Mum cracked, Kane mysteriously vanished for a couple of days before returning with a knowing smirk and an apologetic carton of beer.
The tears dried up, the shaking receded and a soft snoring replaced it. She’d completely worn herself out. After less than an hour awake, Zoe had crashed. Heavily. I had no idea what the fuck I was supposed to do with her. Or without her. I knew she was supposed to be on her way home and if she didn’t leave soon, it would be dark before she got there. I couldn’t wake her. She looked so peaceful. So angelic. I’d be stuffed if I didn’t feel a whole lot of damn satisfaction and pride that she was wrapped in my arms. Wriggling slightly, I grabbed the magazine from the coffee table beside me and flipped it open with one hand and began to read.
I needed to pee. Badly. I’d already ignored my bladder twice, but this time it was burning and would not be denied.
“Zoe,” I whispered into her ear as I shook her arm softly. “Zoe, come on. Wake up,” I tried again when she didn’t stir. “Please, Pippi…”
“I really hate that name,” she grumbled as her eyes fluttered open.
When she squirmed, it wasn’t only my bladder that started paying attention.
“Stop wriggling or you’ll regret it, Pippi,” I promised, unable to disguise the lust in my voice.
Her eyes widened and for a moment I was worried I’d pushed her too far, as they lit up with mischief instead of fear and trepidation, I knew everything would be okay. “What’s wrong, big boy?” she teased, deliberately digging her bony butt into my thigh.
“That’s it!” I declared, pushing myself to my feet and taking her with me so she was momentarily weightless. For a long moment I held her in my arms, breathing in her scent. When she wriggled again, I set her on her feet.
As I headed towards the bathroom on a mission, I could hear Zoe’s childish, girly giggles behind me. Smart ass. I wanted to be cranky but I couldn’t. Not with Zoe. Not now. Probably not ever.
Minutes later I returned to find her perched at the kitchen bench sipping a cup of coffee. She looked so comfortable in my home. So relaxed. So right. No woman?hell, no one had ever looked so right in my house before. I’d be damned if I didn’t like it.
“I poured you a cup,” she said as I entered the room, almost as if it was the most normal, natural thing in the world.
“Thanks,” I offered as I flopped onto the stool beside her. I knew I needed to ask, but it didn’t mean I wanted to. I’d rather do anything than have this conversation. Anything else. It needed to be done. And it needed to be now. “So Zoe, want to tell me what happened?”
Rolling her eyes, Zoe bit down on her lip. She looked everywhere but at me. For a full minute, which felt like an eternity, she simply stared into the bottom of her coffee mug as if she was hoping the answers would bubble out. Still she remained silent.
“Zoe, talk to me, please. I can’t help if I don’t know.”
“You…can’t…fix…this…Spence,” she sobbed as unshed tears took residence in her eyes.
I couldn’t believe she had any more tears left to cry, but there they were. “Let me try, Zoe. Please?” I know I was begging and being a whiny bitch, but I had to help her. Someone did. I didn’t see anyone else lining up to take a shot.
“You don’t get it,” she snorted, wiping her face.
“Try me.”
I was being a prick. I knew that. I couldn’t stop, either. Zoe might hate me right now and she might hate me tomorrow, but I could live with that. I had to get her through the next twenty-four hours. Then the twenty-four after that. I had to push her out of her comfort zone. If I couldn’t push her out of it, then I’d drag her, kicking and screaming if need be.
“I can’t explain it,” Zoe snapped, springing from her stool and tipping her coffee down the drain.
I watched her as she stared out the kitchen window, every muscle in her body tight with tension. I wanted to take it away?make it better. Easier. If I could I would in a heartbeat, but I knew this was one battle I couldn’t fight for her. I’d stand beside her all the way, I just couldn’t do it for it.
“Please, Zoe, just try.”
She sucked in a long, deep breath. I watched as her shoulders rose before she let it out and they fell. It was like the fight fell away too.
