Chapter 25
ZOE
“It was like I was drowning. Except I was still breathing. It was like everything felt heavy. Everything was an effort. Even holding my head up was draining. All of a sudden I was just so tired. So fucking tired. Then all of a sudden, I just couldn’t. I know it’s dumb and you must think that I’m pathetic, but I just couldn’t, Spence. I just couldn’t,” I mumbled.
I didn’t have time to take another breath or speak another word before a pair of long, warm, muscular arms wrapped around me like a protective cocoon. As much as I wanted to run away and hide, bury my head under the covers and wait ’til it was over, I wasn’t going anywhere. Spencer had no intentions of letting go. I dropped my head back and it fell on his shoulder with a soft thud but I knew he wouldn’t drop me. He’d never let me fall.
I don’t know how long we stood there in silence. It felt good. And as safe as I felt, I knew it couldn’t last. I wanted it to. I really did. Sucking in a deep, fortifying breath, I felt Spencer’s arms tighten around me, crushing me against him. Squishing my ribs painfully. The words were filling my throat and I was desperate to spit them out. “I’m so sorry, Spence. You don’t deserve this mess.”
“Don’t apologise, Zoe. For anything,” he growled into my ear, his husky, sexy voice reverberating off my neck, causing goose pimples to cover me from head to toe.
“You’re too good for me, Spence. Always have been. The truth is, as much as I don’t want to be, as much as I wish it was different, as much as I wish I could be stronger?I can’t beat this. I feel like I’m choking.”
Without warning, Spencer spun me in his arms and suddenly we were face to face, barely a breath apart. Yet his eyes were stuck on me, gazing deep into my soul. I could feel it in my heart and it set off a swarm of butterflies in my stomach.
“Firstly, stop! Stop thinking so little of yourself. You’ve always done that and honestly, it pisses me off. Secondly, you are strong. Stronger than you know. Stronger than you believe. Right now, after everything you’ve been through, give yourself a break. Zoe, it’s okay to fall apart. It’s okay to not be okay right this minute. I’m not going to pretend I know what you’re going through, but you better believe that if I could take it away, if I could?”
“I know,” I added, threading my fingers through his.
“You can beat this, Pippi. Just give yourself some time. Let your body heal. I mean, look at you. You’re in so much pain but you’re pretending you aren’t. Stop being stubborn Zoe just for a minute. For a minute, just be.”
A giggle bubbled up and escaped. I didn’t want to admit it, especially to Spencer, but he was right. Maybe I was trying to be okay too soon. Forcing it. Maybe I just needed time. Normalcy. Maybe I just needed to get home, get some sleep, and get on with my life. Otherwise he wins. He’d already taken so much from me. If I gave up now, then he’d taken everything. The asshole didn’t deserve that.
“I know,” I admitted, but it came out as breathy whisper.
“Sorry? Didn’t catch that?”
“You…are…right…” I snarled through gritted teeth. It physically hurt me to say the words but what dug the knife in a little deeper was seeing the sly, satisfied smirk crossing his face.
“So, where do we go from here?”
Spencer lifted my hands up before dropping them behind his neck. I couldn’t help but to trace my fingertips up and down the soft, squishy flesh at the back of his neck. His hands settled on my hips and I felt warm all over. I felt my face burn and I wanted to bury my head in his shoulder. I was just afraid that would just make everything worse.
Summoning all my resolve, all my strength, all my determination, and all my stubbornness, I looked up into Spencer’s eyes and I’d never seen him look so calm. “I go home,” I declared resolutely.
“You sure?”
“I have to.”
“Want me to drive?”
The sincerity was etched deeply into his worried features. I knew all I had to do was say yes and he would drive hours out of his way to make sure I got home okay. Without missing a beat, I used the last thread of resilience I possessed. “Thanks, Spencer, but…I think I need to do this on my own. I’ll be fine.” I tried to sound confident but I felt anything but.
“Okay,” Spencer conceded. I knew he didn’t believe me but I was glad he didn’t call me out. I knew under interrogation I’d falter, but he didn’t even query it. He kissed my forehead before hugging me tight. “You ready to head then?”
“Yeah,” I lied. “Let’s do it. Shit! My car…”
“Pippi…breathe. Kane brought your car back. It’s in the driveway and here are your keys.” He grinned, scooping them from the bench and dropping them in my hand.
Hand in hand, we walked out the door and I heard it click shut behind us, but I didn’t give it a second thought. Staring at my car, I could see everything coming back to me. It all seemed too hard. Too overwhelming. Too exhausting. I sucked in a deep breath and unlocked it. My handbag was still on the front seat. Everything was waiting for me. Déjà vu settled over me.
“You can do this.”
It was like he knew I was freaking out without me saying a word. I both hated and loved that he knew me so well. It was intimidating as hell. He was right, though. Deep down I knew he was. I slipped behind the wheel and started the engine, pulling the door shut behind me. The knock at the door startled the shit out of me. Regathering my wits, I wound down the window.
“You okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Spencer asked with genuine concern.
“I’m scared,” I admitted honestly. I had never lied to him, I wasn’t about to start now.
