I felt like shit. I hadn’t realised how big of a toll my crap had been taking on him. How much me being in his life was draining him. “I’m sorry…”
“Don’t! Don’t you dare apologise, Zoe. I’m only going to say this once, so listen up. What happened to you was not your fault. The bastard responsible, the one who should be sorry is the weak prick who did this to you. You didn’t ask for any of this. Just like I didn’t ask to be the one to find you. Don’t for one minute think that I’m not glad I did, Pippi. This is not your fault. I don’t want to hear you blaming yourself for it. Never again.”
Taking a tentative sip of my coffee, I scalded my tongue. It was better than the alternative. I didn’t know what to say. Everything Spencer was saying was true. I knew that, but I couldn’t deny the niggling in the back of my mind that kept doubting it.
We sat in silence and finished our drinks. By the time we were finished I was beyond restless. Sitting there in the quiet with a million and three thoughts bouncing around, I wanted to scream. I understood what Spencer was saying, I really did, but it still didn’t take away what happened. Sliding off my stool, I went to the sink and washed up. Anything to keep my hands busy. Once that was done I was still buzzing, so I wiped the counter tops. Then the inside of the microwave got a thorough clean. Before I knew it I was elbow deep in the oven, scratching at the baked on grease.
I felt him before I heard him, his breath on my neck. His arms wrapped around my waist, his head on my shoulder. “You’re very quiet.”
“Just thinking,” I dodged. I didn’t know how to explain what was buzzing about in my head. I couldn’t make sense of it, so how the hell was I supposed to explain it? Any of it.
“Care to share?”
“Not yet.”
“That’s okay. How can I help?”
“This helps,” I assured him, pulling him closer.
“M’kay,” he murmured.
I don’t know how long we stood there at the kitchen sink. I didn’t care. It felt good. Too good. I dropped my head back and we were left holding each other up. My heart rate slowed, my eyes drooped, and I gave in to the exhaustion. When my knees buckled beneath me, Spencer stepped backwards and swept me up in his arms before carrying me through the house and lying me in the centre of his bed.
I was surrounded by his scent. It was overpowering. And perfect. And comforting. “Thank you, Spence,” I whimpered as I rolled towards him.
Slowly he slumped on the side of the bed and reached for my hand. I watched as my fingers shook as he wrapped them in his own.
“For what, Pippi?” His voice was filled with wonder and bewilderment and I didn’t understand his disbelief.
“Everything, Spencer. I know since I stumbled back into your life I’ve been nothing but a walking, talking disaster. I mean, I’ve pretty much turned your world upside down…”
“Don’t give yourself too much credit, Zoe. I’m pretty damn good of making a mess of things all on my own.” He smiled a crooked smile.
“I know. You’ve taken care of me from the moment…well, you just have.” I tried to say the words but they stuck in my throat and I found myself choking. “And I’ve even kicked you out of your own bed.” An errant tear escaped and raced across my overheated cheek.
Wordlessly, Spencer swiped it away before pulling me into his lap. He wasn’t about to let me go. “Pippi,” his voice was thick with emotion and it cocooned me like a warm blanket. “You can kick me out of my bed anytime.”
“Well, isn’t this just fucking cosy…” a drunk slurred from the doorway.
