Pulling open the door, a plastic bag was thrust into my hand and arms wrapped around my neck. “Hey there.”
“Hi Mum.”
“You going to let me in?”
“Come on in.”
She walked in, squeezing my shoulder as she passed me. “Hey Zoe.” She smiled as she stepped into the room. It was as if Mum’s words broke the dam that she’d been holding on to. Violent sobs shook Zoe’s whole body. I wanted to jump the couch and take her in my arms and soothe her pain. Make it my own. Anything to make it easier for her…but I didn’t. Instead Mum shot me a look that froze me where I stood.
“Zoe, sweetheart…” Mum’s voice broke
I watched as Mum stepped towards her. Slow, measured steps. She approached Zoe like she was a skittish, frightened, wide-eyed puppy. Then Mum did the one thing I couldn’t. She reached out and held her. Mum was so soft and gentle with her. I couldn’t remember her ever being like that with me and Kane before. Then again, we’d never needed her like Zoe did right now. I felt the tears welling inside me, but now wasn’t the time or the place for me to cry like a baby. Shifting the plastic bag still hanging from my fingers, I headed for the kitchen. I tossed Mum a look as I moved out of the room, and she nodded, acknowledging me.
Unpacking the bag, I realised Mum had outdone herself. Again. When I’d texted her asking her to drop off a few chick flicks that I knew were in her own collection, I’d never expected her to shop as well. There it was. What I could only assume was the equivalent of a female survival kit. Chocolate, ice cream, tissues, popcorn, potato chips, and a wide variety of movies.
I could hear the sobbing and Mum’s soothing, steady voice. I could have gone back in there but the truth was I was too chicken shit. I didn’t want to see the pain on Zoe’s face. I knew myself. If I couldn’t fix it or if I couldn’t take it away, I didn’t know how to deal with it. So, I did what every other spineless, heartless bastard would do when confronted with a sobbing mess of a woman. I ducked out the back door and escaped into the backyard.
For hours I kept myself busy. I pulled weeds, swept the paths, pruned the trees. I even re-nailed some loose fence posts. Anything to avoid going back in the house. When the thoughts crept up and blindsided me again, I just pushed harder. I may have bent more nails than I’d hammered in, it just felt so good to work out the aggression.
“Spencer?” Mum called out across the yard.
I wiped the sweat from my forehead and stalked towards the house. “Yeah?” I replied unable to keep the nervousness from my voice.
“You coming back any time soon?”
“Is it safe?”
Mum laughed. She knew I was struggling with everything. “Come on cry baby.” She laughed.
“She okay?”
“No. Not really. But she will be. She just needs time. And support. And love,” Mum said, her eyes never once leaving mine.
I knew my Mum. I knew her silence was a question, and it was hanging over me like a thick, suffocating blanket. “She’ll get through it, Mum.” I knew as soon as I said it I meant it. I didn’t care what happened or what it cost me. Zoe was my priority. My number one priority.
“Go inside. Take care of our girl. I’ll send Kane by later with some dinner,” Mum told me as she led me inside by the elbow.
Mum led me into the lounge room and for a long minute we just stood in the corner of the room and watched her. Zoe had fallen asleep curled up on my couch, wrapped in the comforter from my bed. Her hair fanned out across the cushion, her rosy cheeks rose softly with each short, shallow breath. She looked like an angel. My angel.
As we stepped out the front door, I squinted in the sunlight. Mum reached up and kissed my cheek, “She needs you, Spence. Even when she thinks she doesn’t, she does.”
“I know.”
“And I know she didn’t want me to tell you this…” Mum paused. I saw the indecision in her eyes. She wanted me to know but at the same time she wanted to keep Zoe’s confidence. I couldn’t push her. If she decided to tell me, that had to be her choice. I couldn’t force it from her.
“But…” I encouraged.
“You need to know that she’s afraid of you,” Mum spluttered as the words caught in her throat.
“Afraid of me?”
“Spencer, calm down. Zoe’s not dumb. She knows you’d never deliberately hurt her. But right now she’s scared. Of everything. And you’re a part of that. A big one. I think she wants to tell you the truth. Tell you what really happened. She’s so afraid of how you’ll react, so she’s bottling it up instead?and that’s not healthy. It’s going to eat at her. She needs to tell someone.”
“Tell me what I’ve got to do. How do I help her?”
“Be there. Be calm. When she decides to tell you, think before you act. Think about what you say before you say it.”
I laughed. Not at the situation, but at how well Mum knew me. She knew the moment I found out the details I’d blow a gasket. At least now I’d been warned. “If she tells me…”
