Something had to be wrong with me, I decided again.
I wasn’t paying any attention to whatever Sabastian put on the TV. He started something to keep me company while he went to take a quick shower.
I sat on the floor, back to the couch, as I blinked back tears. I tried to think back, to pinpoint when I started to feel like this. Was I just that messed up that I couldn’t keep things in check any longer?
I know I was stupid, but Sir made sure I was well aware of that fact. A baby, too, it seemed.
Pulling my knees tighter against my chest, I debated on finding a hiding spot to let the waves of emotions calm. Somewhere that Sabastian would leave me alone, yet at the same time keep me company. I wanted….I don’t know what I wanted.
That alone made a few more tears fall, and I didn’t bother to wipe them away. The idea of just laying right here on the floor and finding some semblance of sleep was at the surface.
“Oakley?” I jerked, hitting my back against the couch, as Sabastian came around from wherever he was. “Can you take your pill?”
I simply opened my mouth, letting him slip the white thing into it. It was easier than holding out a hand.
I didn’t bother needing something to wash it down, although my eyes were on the cup that he held.
“I have one simple question for you, little one.” He waited until I lifted my eyes to his. That one look was brief but enough for him to go on. “Would you like me to read to you?”
I nodded once. I liked his voice, and he made the book sound way better than what it sounded like in my thoughts.
“Then,” he said, standing and turning off the TV. “Let’s go read until you fall asleep.”
It took a moment to get my legs to work with me. They didn’t want to move, and when I stood, my knees almost threatened to collapse.
By sheer will, I got them to move, following Sabastian up the stairs and towards the bedroom.
“First,” he spoke over his shoulder, “Let's get you into something a bit comfier. I think a long shirt should do the trick.”
What was wrong with what I had on?
Looking down at myself, I shrugged a shoulder. I guess one of his shirts would be better than the white tank top I had put on…uh…yesterday.
“Do you want help to change?”
Did I?
But changing meant I had to let go of the stuffie. Maybe staying in what I had on would just have to work.
“Oh, sweet little one.” Sabastian sighed. Not in a mean way, just…like heknewwhat I needed. “Pants first. Then we’ll do your shirt.”
He was slow, making sure I knew exactly what he was doing, as he pulled down the pants, tapping each foot for me to lift to take them off all the way. I held my eyes closed, not wanting to see his thoughts on his face. It was easier, knowing my body wasn’tnormal.It didn’t matter that he’d seen me naked before a few times. Just, right now, it seemed to be a different type of naked. One where he could see into my soul.
“Good boy. So good. Just let me take care of you, alright? I won’t hurt you.” He whispered, working the shirt up over my head.
I had to pop my thumb out of my mouth for the shirt to go over my head. A whimper came out when he took the bunny, only to give it right back once my arm was free of the shirt hole.
I didn’t know why I clung so tightly to a toy, but it seemed to be the only thing holding me together. I felt like I was going to break apart if I had to give it up.
Which was silly. I wasn’t a baby. I didn’t wear diapers, or drink from a bottle…or….
A bottle was….
Nope. Wasn’t going to think about that. Just because the book had that main character doing that didn’t mean it was something I could do. So nope. Couldn’t think about that.
“There ya go,” Sabastian said, slipping on a new shirt. It smelt like him, and I instantly pulled the stuffed animal back to my chest. “Do you want some sort of pants on?”
I lifted a shoulder. I didn’t care. The shirt was long enough to hide anything.
