“Whatever the answer is, it’ll be normal for you. If you have, and there’s been pain, thatcould be a bit of concern we’d need to take a closer look at.”
No pain
Well, not like medically, at least. Mentally, holy cow that was painful. And not something I could come up with words to explain. No one, not even Dr. Shaw knew of that mental disaster. It was easy to not make it real if I didn’t have to.
I was a failure in many ways, but certainly that way.
At least that one and only time, Dawn hadn’t heard my freak out and wanted answers. How could I have answered any of those? The relief of knowing I could finish my own hand job had been pure pleasure, but then panic set in because I was the one to do it.
“Have you had an erection? It’s normal, and perfectly fine, if you haven’t. Victims of abuse suffer in many ways, for years on end.”
I nodded slowly and embarrassedly. Not often, but enough to know that part of me still worked. Well, I don’t think it was often, like not daily or anything. Only a few times a month, which was, according to online research, not common for my age.
She jotted something down on the tablet she held. “Any concerns? Questions?”
I shook my head, ready to finish this appointment and be on my way.
“Are you still seeing a therapist?”
Twice a month
“Good. I’ll send her my report, and I’d like to see about you getting another mental IQ level test to see how far you’ve come. I know you’ve finished school, but it’ll give us both an idea on the next steps.”
At least, Dr. Shaw wouldn’t push that. I could refuse, and she never made me feel like I had to do something. Other than finishing school, which I had done the year prior.
Dr. Seivers talked a bit more about things that I may or may not experience as my mind continued to heal. She told me that Dr. Shaw would most likely bring up some of the same questions or concerns, to make sure I was doing physically and mentally well.
Finally, after what felt like forever, I was free to go.
***
Dawn was in a good mood, even as we got seated in a quiet corner of a restaurant. Being a couple of hours before the dinner rush, there really weren't many people in here. Only a few servers and someone were stacking glass cups behind a bar.
“What is something you’d like to do this weekend?”
Dawn had started to slowly try to get me out of the house at least once or twice a monthto something other than to a store or doctor’s office.
“Stay home.” I muttered. She meant well, but staying home was where I preferred. And, since I may have switched my room to the one that looked over the back yard more, I could sit on my bed and watch Jasper work on the run down back porch on his days off. Even with the weather being cold, he was always busy working on that house. I’d have offered to help, but I preferred the indoors.
I wasn’t obsessed with the man, but I was just so darn drawn to him. And the small little things he did weren’t helping matters.
“You really don’t like going out often, do you?” she mused. “I guess we can stay in. It’s been a while since we’ve done that. Maybe get Jasper and Mrs. Lee to come over for some dinner and a movie with us. Mrs. Lee could do with getting out of the house for a bit.”
“Sure.” I’d be more than okay with that idea.
“Jasper’s brother hasn’t been by much,” Dawn went on. “Has he said anything to you?”
I shook my head. It was clear Trace wanted nothing to do with me, having fun being in his last year of school and getting into trouble.
I was saved from having to say anything as a server came up and took our orders. Ialready had the note app opened, ready to be read.
“You’ve really come so far since the first time I saw you,” Dawn mused, looking at me too closely. It made me squirm in my chair. “Scared of your own shadow. And now look; you order your own food and state your needs and wants without me having to drag them out. I’m really proud of you, Koda.”
I ducked my head, feeling a love kind of warmth wrap around my heart.
“Thanks for saving me,” I mumbled, just loud enough for her to hear.
I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for her. Who knows where’d I’d have ended up at. That was something I didn’t think about. If it weren’t for Dawn, I most likely would be lost to the ground, six feet under, by now.
