If you counted yes or no questions as talking, sure. It didn’t mean they were going to become my friends. They’d both be gone by the end of summer and I’d likely never see either of them again.
I couldn’t keep having reactions to Jasper as I was, not when he had a girlfriend. Iwasn’t going to mess up someone’s life when my own was already a mess. Even if my growing emotions, and another growing part of me, was getting stronger each time I saw him.
From the bit of research I did, and my gosh I hoped Dawn didn’t ever look up my search history, having the reaction to Jasper was normal. My body was still seventeen, despite the abuse I suffered. It’d react randomly to people at odd times. Normal hormones for a teenager to have when they are healthy.
It still didn’t help the humility about having a boner while in Jasper’s presence almost every time I saw him. Because first off, why him? Second, why a male? Why couldn’t I just be normal?
It’d make life so much easier.
“You don’t like them,” Dawn mused as she took in whatever expression I had. “It’ll take you a bit to get used to males, which is expected. But they won’t hurt you. Mrs. Lee wouldn’t dare let them help her if that was the case.”
If only she knew what my thoughts truly were. But it was easier to play along with her thinking to keep my own feelings covered up.
I knew I’d never have a relationship with someone I loved. I was ruined. It didn’t matter what gender, because I never saw myself healing enough to trust another soul like that.
Chapter 23
Summer was nearing its end too soon for my liking.
The days grew shorter, as they did this time of year. The bugs were quieter, and there were less bees. That was the only good thing about the nights becoming cooler.
I hated it, knowing that winter and long cold nights were ahead of us once more. Nights where I’d wish I could come out here and sit and just be. Days where I’d spend the time baking and making the house filled with too many goodies.
I wasn’t sure where the summer went. I blinked, and it seemed to be gone.
Watching Jasper mow the yard one last time before he packed the machine back into the shed at Mrs. Lee's house until the end of spring, I took in the bright blue sky and changed leaves on the trees.
My swing hung from the same tree, calling my name. But it’d have to wait, since someone was currently trying to clean up around the trunk and I didn’t want to be in the way.
But that was the thing. Jasper never made me feel like I was in the way. Not when I brought cookies over for the three of them. Not when Mrs. Lee called and asked me to comekeep her company while her grandkids worked in a room. And not when Jasper invited me and Dawn over for a BBQ a few weeks ago before the weather had changed.
Being around Jasper wasn’t helping me get certain emotions under control. It seemed to enhance a growing need inside of me that I knew wasn’t something I should follow.
Trace had kind of given up on me, since I didn’t talk. He was nice, polite even, but he stopped trying to pull me into conversations unless he had to. Which was okay. I didn’t much care for him and his slightly more childish thinking.
Maybe I had grown up and acted older than I was, even though I looked younger. Or the trauma I went through made my thinking different. Whatever it was, it wasn’t a huge loss to not have him trying to friend me.
“Can I sit?”
I blinked, pulled from my thoughts as a woman stood at the end of the steps where I was perched on, waiting to have my area by the tree free. I nodded slowly.
The woman smiled wide, showing off her perfect white teeth before taking a seat a few steps below me. She tossed her blond hair over a shoulder and leaned her back against the railing.
“I am not made for country living. At all.”
Some people weren’t.
“I’m Joane, by the way. Koda, right?”
I nodded once, trying to keep from staring at her more than needed.
She was pretty, in a city put together.
That made me remember that the first time I met Jasper, he had eyeliner on, but he hadn’t worn it at all while he was out here working. Which I guess, made sense. It’d smear everywhere in the summer heat.
“Cool. Jasper’s talked about you.” She looked over to where he was working. “I don’t deserve him. He’s got so much he can do, yet he decided to stick around this small town to help his grandma out.”
Some people did care about their family members. Even if it was just one person who cared and put the effort into it.
