“I can understand that, but people live in this world. There will be many times you’ll have to interact with them, even if you live with Dawn or not. There will be people you have to ask for help from. People that will ask you to help them. Regular people with everyday lives. You can’t hide in the shadows forever, Koda. Getting out and about, even once or twice a month, will help you not fear doing things on your own.”
But I liked the shadows,I thought with a small pout.
“Before you leave, I’ll give you a pamphlet that has locations and times around town for some group sessions. One or two may have survivors like you, but otherwise, it’s mostly just teens that need a group setting to make friends.”
I controlled my eye roll somehow. I didn’t want friends. I was doing fine on my own with just Dawn.
“Let's move on. How has your anxiety been the past week?”
Better
For the most part, there hadn’t been any attacks. Moments, but I made it through them.
“That’s good to hear. The offer of having a different type of meds to keep it under control is still on the table. You don’t have to be ashamed to seek out medical help for it. Extra stress won’t help you heal.”
The only healing left to do was mental, and I knew that was going to take more years than I wanted to count. But I knew the option was there. It’d been a few weeks since Dr. Shaw told me, but even then, I still didn’t want to take more than I needed.
Dr. Shaw knew my reasons. Too many times had I been drugged to service a client. Too many times had I been a sobbing mess that I puked over a man’s legs while he forced his dick down my throat.
I shook my head at her words, and forced the past to go back to that place.
“That's fine, too. I won’t force meds on you.”
***
For some reason, Dawn thought today was the perfect day to stop by the coffee shop, the same one I had first seen Jasper at. I didn’t bother to try to talk her out of it, because I knew if it wasn’t a slow calm café, then it’d be a busy store on a Friday afternoon.
I’d take the quieter option. Always.
My feet shuffled along the ground as I followed Dawn towards the door.
What I wanted was to just go home and take a long nap. I hated therapy days, as they always wore me out in a way that I didn’t much care for.
“Same as last time?” Dawn asked as we entered the place. The only thing different was that there wasn’t a large group of people today.
I nodded, and once Dawn made sure what I wanted, I found the table from last time, claiming it as ours.
I hoped that we could make this a fast trip. But Dawn was, and always would be, a people type of person. And I would forever keep being my quiet self who just wanted to stay in the peace and quiet of the country.
It didn’t take long for Dawn to get our drinks and take her seat. Thankfully, she knew after a session, I wasn’t the most social person. She’d be lucky if I followed along with whatever she was talking about.
Most of the time, my mind had enough, blocking out the rest of the world and only focusing on little things that crossed my path. Dr. Shaw had said it was just the way my mind tried to heal from the past, but it happened a lot when I was younger, too. So many times, my mind blanked out when someone was yelling at me, or wanting to hurt me.
A coping mechanism,I thought. Which made more sense than it just being me.
“Any plans for what you’d like to do tomorrow? I have no clients to show houses to. Sunday, I have an open house, though.”
I shook my head, wrapping my palms around the warm cup of hot cocoa. I’d be content to just do what I did every day.
“Alright,” Dawn sighed, probably knowing what was going through my mind. “I heard from Mrs. Lee that her grandkids are making as much progress as she had. Sounds like she had a lot of keepsakes.”
I lifted a shoulder.More like junk.Jasper had said about the same thing.
“Maybe we could help take some of it out to the dumpster that they have. Or at least keep Mrs. Lee some company.”
Again, I shrugged.
“I feel bad her own kids aren’t there helping,” Dawn mused between sips of her drink. “What do you think about those two boys? They’ve been by a few times to talk to you.”
