***
I was no stranger to pain, but the headache that had been bothering me for weeks now wasn’t getting any better. If anything, it was worse as the sun slightly blinded me through a window.
As Dr. Shaw rattled off things I didn’t care to keep track of, a yawn forced my eyes to water.
I was tired in a way I hadn’t experienced before. My head was silent, yet full of questions I’d never ask. But Dawn would ask them, if only I could follow along with the answers that were given.
It’d been a long four weeks. I didn’t think time could have ever passed more slowly while Dr. Shaw went over a million and one things. Most of the stuff I didn’t know.
I still felt like I failed a huge test.
I couldn’t do anything right lately, either.Either I was crying at the most random of times, which even for me was bad, or I was lost in thought.
Too many times had the food gone cold at dinner. The couple of times Dawn had me help; I nearly started a fire with a simple pot of water.
I even broke some of the plates when I was helping clean up.
To say that Dawn was at the end of her rope with me wasn’t saying much.
I was a failure. Stupid, too.
“…More testing should be done to determine the level, but I don’t think he’s up to that any time soon. Right now, it’d be best for Koda to just learn what he’s comfortable with doing. Pushing him the past few weeks hasn’t helped, and any of the online programs you were looking at won’t work for him. Not with his levels all over the place.”
“I figured as much,” Dawn agreed from beside me.
I wasn’t sure if it made me feel better or worse that they were talking about me like I wasn’t in the same room. On the one hand, I wanted to be left alone. No, what I really wanted was to be wrapped up in bed with blankets. But on the other hand, I knew this was my life. I should have a say in what happens, but I just couldn’t find the care in me.
“He’s never been to school, but can read fairly well. I’d say he’s between a fifth grade and sixth grade level there. But the level for math is maybe second grade, if that. I’m assuming Koda’s awareness of the world is a mix of a ten-year-old and fifteen-year-old, just because of what he’s been through. But that could also all go towards the idea of him being autistic. His mannerisms, and selective muteness can easily be written off for that.”
“Is there anything I should be doing differently?” Dawn asked, shifting in her seat and causing me to look at her. It took a lot of work to turn my gaze from the window.
“No. Being there for him, setting limits and keeping appointments is the best thing right now. Just add in learning throughout the day. Like cooking, budgeting, documentaries, even. He’s overwhelmed enough right now; we don’t want to add too much at once.”
Dawn had already done most of that in a way. I was helping to cook, when I wasn’t burning food or trying to set the kitchen on fire. I did laundry once a week, too. And I finally figured out how to find something to watch on the tablet that she’d given me. And lots of things to read.
It was just too bad that it was hard to see outside, even in the shade. But at least on the porch I could read if I turned up the light far enough on the device.
“He does watch documentaries,” Dawn mused.
“Good. I don’t think anything else needs to be done or changed right now. I know you mentioned getting him around more people, but I think that should be a few weeks out. Let him settle again or it could do more harm than good.”
Whatever Dawn asked next was lost on me as I stood from the couch, wrapping my arms around my waste. I went to the window, looking out into the brightness, even though there wasn’t much else to see.
I wanted to go home.
I don’t know how long I stood there, lost in my own thoughts, yet floating away in nothingness. I was pulled out of wherever my mind was by a hand on my shoulder and I jerked away before settling.
“Sorry,” Dawn apologized, dropping her hand. “Ready to go home?”
I quickly nodded. I was more than ready.
“I’ll see you next week, Koda. Unless you need to see me sooner.”
I dipped my head, letting Dawn lead the way out of the office, then the building. My hands didn’t move from being wrapped around myself until we made it to her car, and that was only so I could get in and buckle.
Chapter 16
Age 16
