No. Left note for Dawn.
“What did you tell her?”
I shrugged. I wasn’t going to write that down again.I wanted to keep that to myself. Even though those words still burned in my memory as clear as day.
Thank you for taking a chance on me.
“Koda?” Dr. Shaw shifted and at the tone of her voice, I had to lift my eyes. “Are you wanting to hurt yourself?”
Others do. No.
I didn’t need to. The hurt in my soul was more than enough.
“But you have in the past?”
Others have.Knowing she’d want more than that, I wrote a few more words. My writing was sloppy, and not sure she could even read it. My hand shook too much, and my eyes blurred.
So many hurt. Pain. No food. Forced. Dawn makes me want to try to be. I want to stay.
“That’s a lot to unpack,” Dr. Shaw kept her voice calm. “Dawn very much wants you to stay. I think she’s afraid to say something that will scare you away. She’s one of those types of people who should have kids of her own. She loves with all her heart.”
She paused long enough to hand me a box of tissues to wipe my face, although I highly doubted it’d do any good.
I was a mess, inside and out.
“She’s not going to kick you out. Dawn will fight to the end of the earth to keep you in her house as long as you want to stay with her. Now, let me see if I got this right.” She took a seat again, sitting on the edge of her chair. “You’ve been hurt by people, which I knew from the first time we met. They caused you pain and lasting scars. Once again, not surprised with what I know. That’s why I’mhere. To help you sort out your thoughts, settle the anxiety that comes with healing.”
I sniffed, trying and failing to stop the tears. I slumped against the back of the chair, too tired to try to keep sitting properly.
“Being emotional can be a form of healing.”
Always cry. Won’t stop. Hate it.
“Some people are like that. Tears won’t hurt anyone, and here of all places is a safe spot for that. You can cry all you want. I have tons of boxes of tissues in here for that reason.”
I rolled my eyes at her lame joke at trying to lighten the mood.
“See. That got something more than tears. But I mean it. You are free. Free to cry. Free to hate the world. Free to sleep.”
Could sleep till note.
“Makes sense. Maybe you should use that notebook and write to Dawn. Let her know. She can’t help you unless you speak up about it. Same with me. That’s what we both want.”
Free?
What did that even mean?
No clients?
“What did you do for clients?”
Served. Blowjobs. Sex.
“I won’t ask how often. But you know you won’t ever have to do that again. Those people who wanted that from you should all be in jail.Preferably with their balls cut off, but that’s just my opinion. You are free, Koda. Free to live a life that is filled with happiness. It’ll take time, but you can get there.”
Was that what life was supposed to be like? To actually be happy every single day? I highly doubted that. I’d seen free people who hated the world just because they kept secrets. Or they hated themselves because of others. Freedom wasn’t really free, even for adults, let alone children.
I’ve seen the horrors, so I knew what the world held for everyone. Money wasn’t the only cause of evils, despite what people thought.
