“Cool. I won’t get you any other gadgets for a little while. Can’t make you think I’mbuying your safety.” She winked. “I’ll earn your trust, because I know I don’t have it yet. Two weeks is not long enough for what you’ve been through. And to be clear, I’m not trying to buy you things just to get you to like me. I’m doing it because you’ve missed out on so much in life. It’s the least I can do to help you have ways to search stuff up that you can’t ask. Ways to explore the world in ways I can’t show you.”
***
After sneaking down the stairs, the piece of paper in my hand folded in half, I made sure the coast was clear. Although, I knew that Dawn was in the bathroom, getting ready for bed. She enjoyed staying up too late, and then getting up too early. I liked my sleep, and nothing about that fact would change.
Sleep had been something I never took for granted, and now that I got a good amount of shut eye most nights, I still was not a morning person. I didn’t see that changing any time soon, either. If ever.
Placing the paper on top of the coffee pot, knowing that Dawn would see it there in the morning when I’d still be fast asleep, I made sure it wouldn’t fall. I highly doubted it, but I still double checked before I tiptoed from the kitchen.
Every light was off, the doors locked and blinds drawn on the windows. Seeing the downstairs in total night mode was strange. The dark never bothered me before, but the house felt empty with all the lights off and the outside hidden away.
In my room, I tended to keep my shades open, letting the moon and stars shine in. The naturalness of a night was ten times better than the pitch blackness I had been forced to deal with.
While most kids were terrified of the dark because of monsters that lurked under a bed, I was not. I never feared the dark. Dark was my best friend. The one time of night that the monsters came out and took me away to hell. The dark held my secrets.
One of my deepest secrets, one that even the monsters didn’t know about, was on that piece of paper for Dawn.
Chapter 12
“Hello Koda.” Dr. Shaw greeted me as I entered the room.
I took a seat in the same chair as last time, keeping my feet on the floor this time. My arms were wrapped around my torso, trying to hide my shaking hands.
I wasn’t sure why I was nervous. It wasn’t like I’d have to do anything but sit here and listen, most likely. I’d get to keep my clothes on, and no harm would happen to me. Dawn wouldn’t have hinted about me coming back here for the past three days if that had been the case.
If it were all left up to me, I’d have stayed at the house and forgot about the entire outside world.
But I wanted to stay with Dawn. I wanted to prove that I was trying, even though I didn’t feel like I was. The past few days hadn’t been as easy sailing as the days before that. I felt like my world was caving in.
Ever since I left the note, my sleep hadn’t been a friend. I woke up every hour, if not more. I’d jerk awake from dreams of Dawn kicking me out. The reasons ranged from me not talking, to me making a mess in the kitchen, or not doing my part.
After a few days, it was getting on my nerves. I wish Dawn would just say something about the note. Anything at all, really.
Of course, I hadn’t given her much of a chance to do so.
I stayed in my room until near lunchtime, and by then, Dawn was at work or in her office. When she was home and we happened to be in the same room for longer than a few minutes, she’d hint about coming here again as I dashed outside or back up to my room.
Even though she knew I wasn’t being myself. I didn’t run with my tail between my legs. I’d stand there, and cry instead.
“How has your week been?” I shrugged in answer. “I’m glad you agreed to come back. Even though you don’t think it will help.”
I turned my face away, hating how she could read me way too well. Sure, it may be her job, but it didn’t mean I had to like it.
“I spoke to Dawn on the phone when she made your appointment,” Dr. Shaw went on. “She said you had a good birthday last week. Did you enjoy the stuff she got you?”
I nodded once. I was figuring out how to use the streaming apps to watch things. There were way too many shows and movies to watch, and most of them didn’t hold my attention all that well. Mostly, I found interest in documentaries about history. And the trivia games.
“That’s good. She was worried about it being too much. She also mentioned that your social worker stopped by and visited with you. I hope that all went well, too.”
I breathed in deep.
“Alright,” Dr. Shaw stood and walked to the shelf behind her. It took maybe a full minute before she was back in front of me, laying a notebook on the top of my legs, along with a pen. “Tell me what’s wrong. Let’s see if I can help sort some of those thoughts out.”
I glared at the green cover of the spiral notebook. But only for a moment. The heat left my gaze as quickly as the anger dissolved. Left with nothing but tiredness, I flipped the page open and picked up the pen.
Tired. Can’t sleep.
“I can tell. You look more tired today than last time. Nightmares?”
