“Feel safe? Scared? You know I want more answers than that.”
“Everything.” Scared I’d lose him again. When he held me, I was safe and warm. The world couldn’t get me if his arms were wrapped around me. But the pain of him leaving was still there, still too fresh.
I wiped away a tear before looking out towards the window.
“Can we be done now?”
“Soon. Tell me one thing Jasper has done to show you that he cares.”
I held up the stuffed animal a bit. “Got me this. Years ago.” I couldn’t remember why at the moment, but I knew he got it.
“How long have you known him?”
I had no clue. Three, four years? Did the two years where I didn’t know anything count? Or did that minus how long I knew Jasper?
“You said you hated him? Why is that?”
Why did she have to ask so many questions?
“He hurt me. Broke me.”
“Koda,” Dr. Shaw leaned forward, eyeing me. “If he’s hurting you, then why are you allowing him to drive you here? Or give you toys?”
“He left without saying anything. Took my heart with him.”
Dr. Shaw sat back, her look of worry changing to one of knowing.
“You don’t hate him at all, do you.”
I dropped my gaze to my toes. I’d rather not answer that. It was easier to hold on to that hate, knowing that feeling anything else would crush me further when my feelings weren’t returned.
“Do you think I could meet him? I’d like to hear his side of things, at least.”
I shrugged, not caring one bit what she wanted to do.
I was ready to go home and sleep the rest of the day.
Dr. Shaw stood, and called for the secretary to come talk to her for a moment. I didn’t pay attention to what was said. Moments later, she was back in her chair, the door opened a crack.
“Five more minutes, and then I’ll let you go until our next meeting.”
I nodded once. I could do that, maybe. Unless I fell asleep where I sat, which was a good possibility of happening.
Seconds later, Jasper entered the room and introduced himself. The two made small talk before he took a seat beside me on the small couch, which meant I could, and did, lean into him. Instantly, his arm wrapped around me, holding me to him.
“For someone who says they hate you,” Dr. Shaw started off, “Koda seems close to you.”
“I’m sure I should say something to that statement,” Jasper said slowly, choosing his words carefully, “but I have nothing. Koda is special. Not just as a person, but to me. I have a lot of work to show him that he can trust me again. I know I have my work cut out for me.”
“Koda?” I glanced up, tuning back into the conversation, not having realized I zoned out. “What did Jasper do to break the trust?”
I didn’t answer, only blinked her way before looking at Jasper. My limits for talking were low to begin with, and I reached that threshold.
“I left without saying anything for two years. But before that, Koda started pulling away. I’m not sure if something my friends said spooked him, or if he was trying to run from his feelings. Which was what I was going to talk to him about before life got crazy and things went downhill. Not just for me. But for him, too.”
“Do you plan to talk to him about that now?”
“Yes. I’m not sure it’ll be today, or in a week or month from now. I have to know he’s mentally stable before I touch on that subject.”
