I thought that was why Scarlett forced me into therapy for four years after she opened her home for me to live in. To talk to someone about what happened so I didn’t suffer with my life settled.
I still think it made things worse. I’d rather ignore what happened than talk about it ever again. I wanted the past to stay in the past and never leak into my present.
Forcing those thoughts also away, hoping they wouldn’t resurface ever again, I lifted my eyes to the man who stood on the other side of the table.
I had seen him around a time or two. We never crossed paths, despite us being in the same community. It could have done something about the fact that I tried to not fall into anyone’s radar. I preferred to stay back, be invisible, and just observe. It was the safest way to go.
I wasn’t sure what I looked like, but it was nothing like this man. His dark thick hair gleamed off the lights and his bright eyes looking at almost each of us in turn.
“I seem to be in need of a sub to help me with the demo today.” Instantly, almost everyone around me held up hands, some wiggingly and begging with eyes to be picked. The man laughed easily, not surprised. “You don’t even know what the demo is going to be.”
“If you are doing it, it’ll be ropes. You always do ropes.” Leah gushed. “Your artwork-“
“Fair enough,” he sighed. “Yes, ropes. I need a volunteer who can listen, speak up on limits, and not talk out of turn.”
Well, that didn’t seem like this group would be the best for those rules. Some of the subs dropped their hands, dejected.
“Asher, right?” I nodded, my eyes not dropping from his. I was sure my wide gaze gave away too much, as he gave me a small, encouraging smile. “Which one of these subbies would fit my rules, do you think?”
“Why are you asking me?” I couldn’t help but question. I wasn’t the right person to ask.
“You know your friends better than I would. And I’m assuming you wouldn’t want to be the one tied up at my mercy.”
That was the thing. I did. I wanted to know how those ropes felt wrapped around me. I wanted to know if I could put myself into a situation like that and not freak out. I didn’t think I’d panic, since I hadn’t ever been bound that way before. But, did I have the balls to try? And without my best friend here to back me up in case it fell to pieces in the process?
“Truthfully?” At his nod, I looked at my friends, some eager others not really caring. “None of them. They all like the idea. And you.”
“Do you always have to say the truth, geez?” Toby huffed from beside me. I shot him a look, not really caring what he thought. But Toby was a brat and oftentimes didn’t think things through. Also, I knew his Domme wouldn’t allow him to scene, even for a demo, without asking for permission first. That Domme wasn’t here today.
“The truth is the best way to go in moments like this,” the man stated. “So who would you pick, Asher?”
Could I really say it? Or go through with it?
“Me?”
“Are you asking me, or telling me?” He raised a brow.
That was a good question because I wasn’t so sure. On one hand, I wanted someone to tell me what to do. Someone to take control. But on the other hand, I wanted to be the one that decided it all.
“Have you ever been tied up with rope?”
I shook my head, eyes even wider.
“He’s never done anything.” Leah, so helpful. “He’d be perfect.”
His eyes looked me over, closer than before. Then, a moment later his eyes flickered around the room.
I dropped my gaze to the table, my stomach falling to my feet.
I was stupid. I wasn’t what he was looking for. It didn’t help that I didn’t know what I wanted.
“Can we talk? Without so many eyes and ears on us?” His voice turned softer, like he was afraid I was either going to break or turn him down.
“Sure.” Or maybe he was just going to let me down without an audience. Maybe that would be better anyway.
I didn’t cry in public, but my feelings did get the better of me sometimes.
I followed him, trying to recall his name. I was never good at remembering names as it was, but this was one of those times when knowing what to call him was a bit more important.
