Noah shook his head and tightened his arms around me.
I couldn’t. I couldn’t let him have his way. And I sure as heck couldn’t be strong enough to hold everything on my own again.
“I’m not worth the tears, Noah. I’m not. Just let me go. Leave with Beckett and forget about me. You’re better off.” As the words passed my lips, I clenched my hands into fists, trying to hold onto the anger. But with every second that passed, the anger turned to defeat. To hopelessness. To disappointment.
I was disappointed in myself more than anything else in this room. It suffocated me.
Chapter 46
I’d never understood how Noah, of all people, could get me to cave. I wanted to blame him for a lot of things, but he wasn’t at fault. He never was.
Noah was just Noah.
I sniffed, my tears not exactly wanting to stop. I wondered how much more I could cry. Noah’s tears would forever be my undoing, and if he knew that, I was going to never get him to find his happy ending.
If it wasn’t for a meddling boy, because there was no other way to put it into detail, I would have locked myself away or left the apartment altogether. Both options were still there, but with Noah wrapped around me, holding me hostage on the floor by the couch, there was nowhere I could go.
I breathed him in, not caring for the moment that his hair tickled my nose with each breath. He smelt a bit sweaty, but all Noah. Fresh and good.
Everything I could never be.
“Now that you are both calmer,” Beckett said. Noah shifted enough to see the man who was sitting on one of the kitchen chairs he had pulled up, giving us a bit of space. “You two need to talk. Figure out where you stand and find some ground rules.”
“Don’t need rules,” Noah muttered. “I’m keeping him.”
I wasn’t keepable, but whatever. I was out of energy to argue. Out of words to say.
My anger had sizzled out, leaving me worn out and feeling like crap. The tears that didn’t exactly want to stop weren’t helping me much, either. I was ready to go to bed and forget all of this ever happened.
“From what I know, you two don’t fight like that,” Beckett went on. “Rules are needed since someone crossed a line.”
We both stayed quiet, making Beckett sigh loudly. I briefly wondered what he thought, and if it was enough to chase him off.
“Alright, we’ll do this my way.” I peeked up at him as he shifted to sit straighter in the chair. His once calm look turned more dom-ish. His gaze pinned more on me rather than Noah.
“Are we in trouble?” I asked Noah, keeping my voice low and trying to not draw attention to the fact that the look and tone from Beckett did things to me.
Noah only shrugged against me, not helpful one bit.
“Asher, tell me why you made your friend so upset.”
I dropped my gaze, my broken heart reminding me I shouldn’t be allowing Noah to be cuddled up against me right now. He shouldn’t even be here, yet he was. Holding on to me like his life depended on it.
I wasn’t entirely sure how to answer that. So instead, I tucked my nose back into the top of Noah’s hair. Maybe if I pretended the man away, he’d disappear.
“He yelled at me, Daddy.” Noah’s muffled answer came from where he was tucked against my chest. “He said mean things.”
“You slapped me.” Which, I deserved. My cheek was still stinging.
“I think you both may have said some mean things to each other. What started it to begin with?”
“He missed my birthday and felt bad. I got angry because I don’t think it’s a big deal.” At least that was easier to say when I didn’t look at the dom across the room.
“I see. Did you think about why Noah would be upset about missing that special day?”
“Did you think about the fact that I hate that day?” I spat, lifting my face towards Beckett. Once again, the anger began to boil, but not as strong as it had before. “Did you even know why? Oh wait, no one but Scarlett would know why.”
“Asher,” Beckett warned, his tone dropping an octave. “Watch it.”
