I was pulled to a stop by a hand on my shoulder. While the other boys kept following where they were to go, I was stuck right on the outside, looking in. I couldn’t see much other than the lights and swirling smoke from cigarettes.
“I’m gonna pay for this,” the guard muttered to himself before he stood in front of me, his eyes taking me in from head to toe. I knew he didn’t find me appealing. If he did, there was no inkling of it. Which was the smallest blessing in disguise that I could ever ask for. “Try with everything you got to stay invisible.”
If only that worked so well. I’ve been trying to do that since the day I was born. Yet, here I was. Lusted after by sick old men who liked my boyish looks. Or maybe it was more girlish. My jawline was rounder, less formed than the men I was always forced to serve. My hair was soft, thanks to the shampoo and conditioner. And my body was thin from years of lack of food, abuse, and now being kept in a certain weight limit.
The dress I wore did little to hide the lack of girl parts that I had, yet it showed a side of me that would entice the looks of men and women. It was more likely that I’d gain more attention than wearing nothing at all.
“Mr. S. was an entirely different man when he has an audience. I fear you’re going to be the one that pays the price tonight. The one that wears a dress always does.”
Lovely, I thought with the tiniest nod.
We both knew I couldn’t be invisible tonight. Or any night when it came to Mr. S. He liked me, while I loathed his every heartbeat. But I hated everyone, even myself.
“Carson!” another man barked, causing the man to turn.
“Sorry. He was a bit nervous. You know Mr. S wouldn’t want that on a night like this. Just told this boy to keep his wits about him or he’ll wish he had.”
“I’d enjoy teaching him a lesson.”
“Like we’d get that chance,” another man snuffed like he wished he could just do that full-time.
“Move it, number eight,” Carson said a bit rougher, now that he had eyes on both of us.
Entering the room fully, the aroma of smoke was even stronger. The bass of the music was too loud, reverberating through my head.
I didn’t want to be here. I didn’t want to deal with what was to come my way.
I didn’t have a choice, though. I never did. Not when my body wasn’t my own.
I gulped, taking another step into the room. I didn’t know where I was to go, or what to do. Was I to just stand there, letting everyone look at me like I was an animal at the zoo? Was I to go find Mr. S, my owner?
“Ah, there’s my prized boy.” Speak of the devil and he shall appear.
In the middle of the room stood my owner. He was dressed to the nines. Tux and tie, and a smile that sometimes gave me the creeps.
With his eyes pinned to me, my feet took me towards him. With each step, the material of the dress moved, touching and pulling against the most intimate parts of me.
My cheeks heated, knowing people could see it. They could see the reaction, even though I hated it. I hated that I liked it. I hated that these people, strangers, could see a part of me that I didn’t even know was a part of me.
But most of all, I hated life. Being a pawn, because that was what I really was here. A pawn to some drawn-out game that no one would ever be held accountable for.
“I see why you like this one.” An old man spoke, his touch on my arm causing my skin to crawl. His palm was sweaty and rough. It took everything in me to not pull away from his touch.
There were only a few select people who I could handle touching me, and even then I hated every minute of it.
Breathing in, I then let the air from my lungs and plastered on a fake small smile as Mr. S gently pulled me in front of me. At that movement, the old man’s hand fell away.
“This color looks wonderful on you, boy.”
I ducked my head, a practiced move that made Mr. S feel like he was the king. When inside, I wanted to kick this man where the sun didn’t shine. I wanted so badly to cause him pain.
“How long have you had this one?” another man asked.
“Almost a year. The second longest I’ve kept.”
He was as dirty inside as he was out. He was full of secrets, and I knew if the wrong person found him out, his life would be over. As would be mine.
“Ah, I see.”
