Rounding the small corner of the door, I found Noah standing in the kitchen with a piece of paper in his hands. He looked dejected, which wasn’t something I saw in him all that often.
“What’s that?”
At my voice, he slowly looked up, tears in his eyes. Just as slowly, he placed the piece of mail on the counter. “I was cleaning and found this.”
“Okay.” So? We did get mail and most of the time it was all junk. I had left a pile out on the counter last week. “I figured you’d be sleeping, though.”
“I took a nap, so I thought I’d clean. But then...why didn’t you tell me your birthday was a few days ago?”
Oh. “It’s not a big deal. You know that, Noah. It’s just another day.”
“No it’s not!” he shouted.
I jerked, not having expected that.
“Yeah, it is. I don’t do birthdays. You know that. I prefer it that way.”
“But you’re twenty-one now. We could have gone out. We could have done something fun.”
“I’d have stayed in, just like I had. You went out with Beckett.” I kept my voice low, stepping just a tiny bit closer. “I preferred to be by myself on those days anyway. I don’t need anything else other than what I already have.”
“But you didn’t tell me! Daddy knew but he hadn’t even told me!”
“Noah.” I stood a few feet in front of him. “He overheard about it at Lucy’s party. I asked him to not tell you.”
“Why?” Noah sniffed, tears still falling.
I raised a brow. Did I need to answer that question?
“I thought we were friends.” I waited him out, knowing he had more. I stood there, folding my arms across my midsection. Once he got whatever was on his mind out, he’d want hugs and we’d be back to normal. It wasn’t the first time he had got upset over something that wasn’t all that important to me. “If you had that social media app, then I’d have remembered. But you could have told me. Or left a note or something. Why do you hate that day so much?”
“It’s the day my world crashed down. You know that.” Well, kind of. “I was taken by people that day that hurt me a lot.”
“But you have a good life now,” Noah muttered, not understanding. “You can do whatever you want.”
“Can you drop it? I’m good with having what I have now. It wasn’t always the case. That day brings bad things, and I’d rather not remember. Again.”
“Again?”
I sighed, turning my gaze on him. “You were with Beckett. I had a panic attack. Which is good. It wasn’t the greatest of nights.”
“Asher.” Now, he sighed my name. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“You aren’t my lover, Noah. You aren’t my parents. I don’t have to tell you everything. You have no idea how many times the anxiety is right there under the surface. If you knew, you’d never want to leave me alone.”
Noah opened and closed his mouth a few times. All the while, my own emotions rose, then dipped. They didn’t know if I wanted to explode with word vomit or run and hide. My hand shook with the rising anger that I had to fight against.
I reminded myself that this was Noah. I never raised my voice, least of all to him. He didn’t understand. He didn’t know what I’d been through. And he sure as heck didn’t know the struggles I dealt with daily on many things.
“Right. Okay.” He breathed in deep, letting his shoulders drop. He nodded to himself before lifting his gaze back to me. “How can I help? What do you need?”
“What do you want me to say?” I huffed, slapping my legs with my hands. I turned my fury-filled look away from Noah. My heart hurt just thinking about answering.
“The truth. For once in your life, Asher. Just tell me what you want. It’s not that hard.”
“The truth?” Did he even know what he was asking of me?
“Yes.” He said it like it was that simple. “You haven’t been the same, you know. And I don’t know how to fix it.” When did I change? I was the same as I always had been.
