“There’s pups, and littles, and games and adventures.” Thankfully, Noah read more of the lighter stuff that was so sweet, it’d make my teeth hurt. I enjoyed those from time to time, but I wasn’t going to talk about what I did like.
I had to be insane if I enjoyed certain things after living through a lot of it myself.
“Why am I not surprised,” Beckett shot him a look before turning to me, the plates in his hand. “What about you, Asher?”
“Same. Mostly.” Then, I tacked on before he or Noah could get any ideas, “More of the regular sub books.”
“Some of those are super hot,” Noah sighed, looking up at the ceiling like he was trying to pinpoint a certain book he liked best. “I like it when there's more than two together.”
Good thing I hadn’t had a mouthful of food, or I’d have choked on it. Still, I nearly forgot how to swallow my spit. My face burned, because that was not something I’d ever thought about, nor wanted to. Or at least, I tried to lie to myself.
Wisely, or maybe it was just the end of the conversation, Beckett didn’t reply to that comment. Instead, he took care of the dishes before turning back to us, back against the counter. I glanced in his direction long enough to know he had more questions. Ones I didn’t want to answer anytime soon.
“I’m going to go take a shower.” I blurted, standing from the table before anyone could speak. Talk of what I read would no doubt lead to what I desired, and that wasn’t an option.
Chapter 44
About an hour before I had to head to work, Beckett finally left. That was only after many times when he asked if I was for sure okay.
Mentally, no. I’d never be okay. But I was good enough to get back to work. I had to get back into the normalness that I knew. Work was predictable. There, I could hide behind what I was great at. There, I didn’t have to try to pretend to be anything but an ear that the customers chatted to.
The few minutes before I had to head in, Noah sat curled up against my side while some sort of trivia game show played on the TV. It was hard to keep my focus on that instead of the boy in my arms.
I felt bad for him having to see me so far into a panic attack. But thankfully, he was able to shake it off a lot better than I ever would.
I never would have thought we’d still be friends now, as it was. I never expected this boy would hold on to me so tightly. Not when I refused him as a friend for so long. Yet, here he was. Stuck to me like we were a sandwich. We could be pulled apart, but somehow always came back together.
Would he still be my friend, wanting to hang on me, if he knew the monsters that I had seen? Would he still be here cuddled up against me if he knew how deep my desires for certain things ran?
Neither of those were things I’d tell him. It’d hurt him. I wasn’t a monster of any kind.
“You really don’t want to go to the zoo with us?” Noah asked, shifting so he faced me more.
“Not really. You have someone who seems like they’d greatly enjoy going. I’ll pass this time.” And any time after that. “And after the last couple of days, I think just working is going to be more than enough for me.”
“Oh. Right.” Noah paused, breathing in deep. “You could stay home.”
I gave him a small smile, tempted to pull him closer, but refrained. “I know. But I also need to get back to work. If I stay hidden away for too many days, you’ll never get rid of me.”
“That wouldn’t be a bad thing.” I chose to ignore that because it would be a very bad thing.
With it just me and Noah, I wasn’t as tempted to cave to my desires. With him, I could ignore the pull of falling to my knees and submitting to a man. A man who was taken.
“Maybe the next time the club has an open night, we can go. Beckett, too.” Because I was pretty sure Noah wouldn’t want to go there without his other half.
“Oscar goes a lot.”
I wasn’t surprised by that. “Then maybe I’ll find him and see what happens.” Not likely, but Noah’s look said he was hiding something from me too. Whatever it was, he wiped it away as he cuddled back against me.
“Oscar is nice. But so is Beckett.”
Wasn’t everyone nice to littles, anyhow? Instead of saying that, I pressed a kiss to the top of Noah’s head.
***
I kicked off my shoes before walking further into the place. “Noah?” Every light in the apartment was on when I walked in after my shift.
When we had texted on my short break, it sounded like he’d still be here at our place. He had mentioned something about staying with me overnight before Beckett was going to pick him up for the zoo the next day.
