“Would that be something you’d be willing to try? With me?”
“In time,” he responded with a dip of his chin. “At the club,” he paused for a moment. His eyes bouncing from me to the table top. “I could have easily slipped into that, that night. Part of me wanted to. You have no fucking idea how hard it was to keep myself from going there.” He took a deep breath before fully meeting my gaze again.
“Only with you would I consider it. Once we are both comfortable and know how to read one another, you can bring it up again. Agreed?”
My shoulders fell. “I don’t want to push you into anything that you’re uncomfortable with, Zeek.” Despite my words, that’s exactly what it felt like I was doing.
“You aren’t. I assure you.”
“If I screw up, you have to let me know. No matter how hard it may be.”
“Don’t worry so much, Kid.”
I shot him a glare, which caused him to chuckle.At least the hard part is over, I guess.
“You do worry too much, but know this,” he leaned forward, elbows on the table, “if I don’t like something, I’ll let you know right away. This is a learning curve. For the both of us. If I didn’t think you could handle it, or that you didn’t really want to do all of this, I’d have already put a stop to it.”
“I just want to be what you need,” I repeated.
“You already are. Just be yourself, Jude.” His gaze turned soft, making my insides melt like butter.
“Okay.” I nodded, willing to at least try.
“I have a few questions myself, if I may?”
“Yes. Certainly.”
“In––well, you know––you said…. Well….”
“I’ve never seen you struggle to say anything,” I teased while silently wracking my brain about what he could be referring to.
I remember saying quite a few things while we were held captive together. I was lost, alone, and I was scared. I didn’t think I was ever going to get out of there alive, so I didn’t hold back. Not only had my parents kicked me out, leaving me with no one to turn to, even my friends didn’t seem all that concerned about my well-being. Which was only cemented in my mind when I escaped and none of them reached out to see if I was okay.
So, when I was thrown into that cell with a strange man, I was devastated. At first. I’d even venture to say I was ready to die. Then, slowly, the two of us developed a sort of bond that even I couldn’t put into words. Zeek had no choice but to listen, but he did so because he wanted to. Still, that didn’t mean I expected him to remember everything I said. Especially given how easily upsettable I was.
I was better today, but I still days that were a bit harder than others. And I was sure he dealt with many of the same issues. How could he not? Zeek had been there when the demons attacked, so to speak. He was there when I was a bubbling mess of tears and panic. Even though he didn’t have to, he listened, he soothed me, and he kept me going. Which meant he could have remembered any number of things.
Lord knows I probably said a bunch of crap that didn’t make any sense.
“You said you’d never been in a relationship.”
Oh, that.
I gave out a shrug, acting as if it weren’t a big deal. In reality, I was ashamed. At one time I believed that I’d be able to explore more than I’d done before I was stolen. But those thoughts eventually diminished, fading into the background.
“Still the same?”
“I’ve never…. No, I couldn’t. You have to understand, I was a mess, Zeek.”Not to mention, I was still hung up on you.And I always will be.“I never had the time, the effort, or the desire. Not until recently.”
“Oh.” I could tell he understood what I was trying to say. At least I hoped so. “Don’t tell me you were waiting on me.”
“I wasn’t meaning to,” I dropped my eyes in embarrassment, feeling a cold chill wash over me. “I––”
“You couldn’t help it.”
My eyes immediately shot to his. He did understand. I shook my head, fighting back tears that threatened to fall.
“Oh, Kid.” Zeek brought me flush against his side with an arm wrapped around my back. “I know. I’ll try not to fuck this up, okay.”
