I nodded, sniffling as I continued to soak up his warmth like a cloak of armor. Once I was certain my tears wouldn’t break free, I asked, “What about you?”
“Just my hand.”
“We really are a pair, aren’t we?” I sighed, unsure if that was disappointing or not.
“My head’s been a mess––a giant mess, at that. Relationships are just too much work.”
Yeah, they certainly are.
“What are we, Zeek?” I asked, pulling back to meet his gaze. I wasn’t sure what he saw in my eyes, but I watched his soften.
“We’re just us. There’s no need for more than that. Not when what we have is working. I suppose if you want to put a label on it…friends, I guess.”
“O–Okay.”Yeah, maybe that’s for the best,I thought in disappointment.Friends who are simply pushing the boundaries of their friendship.
“You don’t agree.”
“No. It’s fine.”
“Jude––” My name was forced and held a slight edge, which told me he could see through my bullshit.
“Aren’t we more than friends?” I blurted, averting my eyes.
“Do we really need labels for what we are?” He quickly and easily countered. “No one cares what we are. The only thing that matters is that we know we are awe.”
Ezekiel
Iwaited impatiently on the front porch for Judah to get home from work. I hated when he wasn’t with me. So much so, that while he was working, I decided there was no way I was going to let him go back to his place. And if he insisted, I was prepared to go with him.
Since the night I tried to end it all, I realized that home wasn’t my house, secluded in the woods. Home was wherever Judah was. As much as I tried to deny it, I had fallen. And now that I’d accepted my fate, I no longer saw a reason to keep putting it off.
Judah was my life. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind. And I had no intention of ever letting him walk away.
I made a promise to myself that I would do everything I could to be the best man I could possibly be. For Judah. Even if that meant weekly therapy sessions. I was willing to do whatever it fucking took to be what he needed. Because, in the end, I knew I would lose him if something didn’t change.
I didn’t want to be a depressed man waiting for death to take me any longer. I wanted to be my own person. I wanted to be someone who could love another with everything I had. I wanted to be worthy of someone else’s love.
I was done with the demons chasing me. I was fed up with the darkness calling my name.
It was time for me to stand up and be a man. And in order to do that, my only option was to live, to truly live.
Starting today.
It wasn’t long before the man I’d been sitting outside waiting for pulled up. A smile immediately formed on my lips. I couldn’t even remember the last time I really smiled. Not something fake to please another. A real, honest smile.
“Welcome home, baby.”
“What?” Jude stumbled up the step, wrapping his arms around my waist. Before I could repeat myself, he pressed his lips against mine. Not expecting it, I stumbled backwards slightly. “Thank you,” he muttered, dropping his arms from around my waist before making his way inside.
This time, I was the one that was confused. “For what?”
Judah froze the moment he stepped inside and saw his belongings scattered about my living room. “Zeek?” he asked, turning to me with a questioning look.
“If I overstepped…” I trailed off, running a hand through my hair.
“You…I….” Words were lost to him. Instead, he fell into me again, squeezing me as tightly as he could around my middle. “I love you.”
“I probably should have asked first, huh?”
