“I have a therapy session that I need to get to,” Judah’s voice broke through my mind-numbing thoughts. “You’re more than welcome to come with me if you’d like. If not, Theo will be here in case you need anything.”
“I wanna go,” I blurted, not having to think about my response. There was no way in hell I was going to spend the next two hours with my brother, alone. All he’d do is yell and expect me to answer his demanding questions. Neither of which I felt like dealing with.
I blinked as Judah placed a tender kiss to my cheek before taking a step backwards. “Alright. Well, let’s get some food in your stomach first.”
I shook my head and let out a groan. “I’m not hungry.”
“Youwilleat something, Zeek.” His voice was firm, leaving no room for argument.
Judah
“G
ood afternoon, Judah,” Dr. Mary Litner greeted me as I walked into her office, Zeek’s hand in mine. Despite how uncomfortable he was, Zeek did his best not to draw attention to the fact he was glued to my side.
Inside, a black leather sofa with white throw blanket draped across the back sat in front of the windows, which looked out over the parking lot. In front of the couch was a matching coffee table with a box of tissues sitting atop.
Mary, as she always insisted I call her, shut the door behind us before taking a seat in her matching high-back chair, her kind green eyes watching the two of us as we took a seat on the couch. The chair, which was conveniently positioned across from the couch, kept her far enough away that she couldn’t touch the client, but close enough that she could study every facial expression.
“You must be Zeek?” she said cheerily, watching the two of us take a seat. He gave a shrug in acknowledgment, his eyes remaining locked on the floor. “It’s nice to finally meet you. I’ve heard a lot about you. My name is Dr. Mary Litner, but you can call me Mary.” Turning her attention back to me, she gave me a warm smile. “And how are you today, Judah?”
“We’ve had a hard twenty-four hours,” I sighed, my fingers gently squeezing Zeek’s to let him know that I was still here.
“Why don’t you tell me about that.” Mary leaned back in the chair, crossing her legs in front of her, her diamond shaped face calm as she waited for me to speak.
“It’s okay if I tell her, right?” I asked Zeek, studying his facial expressions. The last thing I ever wanted to do was overstep by sharing something he didn’t want shared.
“It’s fine,” the words fell from his lips, barely above a whisper.
I took a deep breath, unsure where to begin. Mary knew everything about Zeek because I talked about him almost every time I’d come into this room. He was the one that kept me going; even when I thought I’d lost him forever.
“He was going to jump.” Zeek stiffened beside me, but he didn’t run. Not that I would ever actually let him.
My heart sank as I recalled the defeated look on Zeek’s face when I pulled up behind his motorcycle. I didn’t know if I was ready to talk about everything that had happened that night, but I pushed through.
“Looks like you got there in time,” Mary stated, giving me a warm smile. “That’s very brave of you, Judah.”
I didn’t feel brave. I felt confused, heartbroken. The array of emotions I was feeling was unending. “He’d have done the same thing for me,” I murmured, turning to give Zeek a warm smile.
“Has he been like this since last night?”
I nodded. “Pretty much. I don’t know if I said or did something to set him off last week….” I shrugged. “I mean, I thought we were okay. I don’t know why he decided to end it now or where to go from here.”
“Tell me what you’ve done,” Mary urged.
The next several minutes were spent doing just that. I told her every little detail I could recall. Everything from how I had talked him down to how I’d taken care of Zeek for fear that he’d have gone right back to that spot and followed through with his plan. I admitted how I worried that I wouldn’t be able to save him a second time. Of course, I skipped over the events of our shower this morning. Figured that was a bit too personal. I even vented about what had happened last weekend, hoping she’d be able to tell me where I’d gone wrong.
“From everything you’ve told me, I can’t see where you’ve done anything to set him off, Judah,” Mary assured. “You should know that given everything you’ve been through.”
“But––”
“None. Of. This. Is. Your. Fault,” she repeated, punctuating each word. “You are doing everything you can. That’s all any of us can do in life, regardless of our circumstances.”
“That’s what I’d have wanted–it’s what I did want when I was that far gone. I was desperate for someone to take control and allow me to mentally get things settled.”
“How are you fairing now? After everything you’ve been through?”
“I’m tired, but I’m actually handling it well.” And I was. For the first time in a long time, I wasn’t falling apart. I knew what to do when things got rough, and it seemed to be working.
