Placing my hand in his, I pulled myself upward. My head swam and my legs were weak, but just as he’d promised, Judah was there to keep me upright. Once I was sure I wouldn’t fall over, I gave another small nod and let him lead me to his car. Judah opened the door and carefully helped me inside. Safely tucked into the passenger seat, I leaned my head back and closed my eyes.
Exhaustion overwhelmed my senses, my hazy mind trying desperately to focus on the muffled exchange between Theo and Judah just outside the driver’s side window. Sadly, that proved to be for naught.
The next thing I knew Judah had slipped into the driver’s seat. “I’ve gotta stop by my place to pack a bag and then we will head back to the house.”
I vaguely remember grunting in response. Truth be told, at that moment I didn’t give a single fuck what he did. As long as I didn’t have to feel anything, I was good. I was broken and utterly defeated, but my emotions had been tightly locked away. Unfortunately for me, I knew it wouldn’t last. Nothing ever did. Eventually, everything would come flooding back and I would be forced to face everything I was feeling.
I must have dozed off, because the next thing I knew, I felt Judah’s hand come to rest on my shoulder as he whispered, “We’re here.” Jerking away out of instinct, I took in my surroundings. But the sadness in Judah’s eyes didn’t escape me as he dropped his head to his chest while waiting patiently outside the car.
By the time we’d made the short walk into the house, I was bone tired.
Tired of life.
Tired of being awake.
Just tired.
Toeing off my shoes, I made my way to the bedroom where I simply laid down, face first, and breathed. I had nothing else left in me. I had just begun to drift off when light footsteps sounded. I somehow managed to crack one eye open and found myself face-to-face with Judah.
Without a word, he crawled up the bed to lie beside me, pressing his front to my side. “Take this,” he whispered, holding a white pill in his outstretched hand as he pressed his lips to my cheek, lingering a moment before backing away.
Sighing, I forced myself to sit up and accept the medicine, which I followed with a quick gulp of the water he’d placed on my bedside table.
“I won’t ever leave you.”
There were so many things I wanted to say, yet I couldn’t seem to find the words. Instead, I simply nodded, making myself more comfortable as Judah wrapped his entire body around mine, his warmth seeping into the darkest recesses of my being.
Judah
It was well past noon before Zeek finally woke up. While he slept like the dead, I hardly slept a wink, only lightly dozing off here and there. It seemed every time he’d grunt or move, I was checking to make sure he was okay.
Realistically, I knew the sleeping pill I’d given him earlier would knock him out for at least a few hours. But that didn’t stop me from worrying that he’d somehow sneak past me and go finish what he’d started. I knew the next time he tried to jump off a bridge or do something else just as stupid, he wouldn’t be talked down.
Fear was wrapped tightly around my heart, its vines tethered to every part of my soul. And next to the fear was the love I had for this man. I knew without a doubt that there would never be anyone else who could compare to him. Even in death, Zeek would be the man my heart and soul would seek out time and time again.
Given the kind of life we’d both lived during our captivity, I would’ve never expected such a strong feeling could be felt. And honestly, I didn’t think I was worth being loved. Nor was I entirely sure how to return that sort of feeling to another human being.
Since my return to the land of the living, I’d grown content in the knowledge that love wasn’t something that was in the cards for me. I accepted it, even. But now that I knew that wasn’t the case, I had every intention of holding onto it with both hands. I would give up everything in order to keep it.
When Zeek finally opened his eyes, I could see his walls were up tight. But I could see the fissures. Eventually, I knew his walls would come crumbling down. I just hoped a new man would be standing before me when that happened.
“Hey, babe,” I greeted, gently cupping his jawline.
His eyes closed at my touch, reveling in the feeling of my skin touching his. When he opened his eyes a moment later, what stared back at me was something I couldn’t put a name to. The pained misery mixed with shame leaving something in its wake that took my breath away.
“Why’d you stop me?”
“You’re my Zeek.” He scrunched his nose up at my statement. “Zeek, you saved me when I needed it most. Now, it’s your turn to be saved.”
“I didn’t save you, Kid.” His voice was rough with sleep. “I failed you. I’ll always fail you. It’s inevitable.”
“No.” I pressed my body closer to his, my palm still on his cheek as I lowered my head to force his eyes to meet mine. “When we were held in that cell, you were the one who kept me going. You kept me fighting for something I didn’t think would ever happen.You.You were the one that was there for me. You were the one that kept me sane, Zeek. It’s my turn to show you that you aren’t a failure, that you’re worth fighting for.”
One lone tear slipped from the corner of his eyes, falling onto the pillowcase below his head.
“I’ve been where you are,” I admitted. I could see the thoughts swirling in his mind. Before he could argue, I continued. “Almost a year ago I tried that same stunt. Same bridge, in fact.”
He gulped, but remained quiet.
