I gave a stiff nod before turning and placing a glass under the tap, filling it. Moments later, I set it in front of Theo.
“You haven’t been by the house for a few weeks,” he hinted, his lips near the rim of his beer.
“Nope,” I answered stiffly. I had no intention of telling him why either. It was always the same anytime I went to visit and I wasn’t in the mood to deal with the questioning glances or concerned hints. My family had nothing to worry about.
I was alive.
I was healthy.
I was depressed.
I was lonely.
Fucking dandy with a heart full of roses and all that shit.
“Mom wants to come by your house,” Theo went on. “I’ve put her off as long as I can.”
I lifted my shoulder nonchalantly. It didn’t bother me one bit if our mother wanted to track me down. She could have fun doing just that. One of the benefits of in the middle of nowhere was that it made it easier for me to disappear into the trees and hide if I so chose. And it was certainly a tempting thought anytime someone came looking for me.
He pinned me with a stare that would normally make my skin crawl. “Don’t you dare think about it.”
Three long years it took to make me see that he wasn’t ever going to hurt me. But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t put his foot down when I needed it. It was nearly a year before I was able to control my reactions and not jerk away from family and strangers alike.
After living through what had been the worst form of hell, I came out resembling something like Scrabble pieces: all shook up and out of sorts. Touch and darkness proved to be the hardest triggers to get past. Now, I was fairly okay. Most of the time. But every once in a while, those old memories would come back with a force that couldn’t be reckoned with.
“Fine.”
“Ezekiel….”
“I got it, okay?” I lifted my eyes to his green ones. Where his swam in misery, mine drowned in defeat. “I’ll be at the next family gathering.”Unless I can pick up a shift for that night,I thought to myself, plan in mind. Truth be told, I’d much rather be at work and deal with the noise than go back home.
“I’ll make sure he has the night off,” my boss interjected, patting me on my shoulder gently. I momentarily stiffened at his touch. His gruff voice was always at odds with his appearance. Round face, light hair, clean shaven––he even had the winkles going around his eyes. He was what I would call ‘fatherly looking’.
“Thanks, Henry,” Theo nodded.
“Anything for my friend.”
I turned my head and shot my boss a glare. I certainly wouldn’t call the two of us friends. He knew me about as well as the customers in here did these days. Unlike before, I now tended to say things that I didn’t necessary mean because I couldn’t stop myself for even a moment before speaking. Henry took it all in stride, but I still felt like a dick half the time. So, in order to avoid being that person, I just kept my mouth shut most of the time.
Henry ran a hand through his cropped hair and pinned me with a fake smile. “I don’t need drama in my bar, Zeek. Go see your family and put their minds at ease, man. If not, I’ll happily close this place down and let them all come here.” He would, too. Henry was a family man through and through. To him, there was nothing more important in this world.
“I’ll go.”But I won’t be happy about it.Henry gave me a nod before getting back to whatever it was he was working on.
“Great. Now, I have some good news, little brother.”
“What?” I asked, his words piquing my interest.Why couldn’t he have just led with that?
“When you come visit us, I’ll have some answers for you about that guy you were looking for.” Looking him in the eyes, I knew right then and there that I wouldn’t get another word out of him. This was his way of ensuring I showed up at family dinner.
Smart fucker.
“If I hadn’t agreed you were going to use that info to make sure I came, weren’t you?”
He shrugged. “If it was the only way I could get you to come, yes. Now,” he leaned forward, elbows resting on the clean counter. “Before you drive yourself crazy, I will tell you that he’s safe.”
Three years was a long time. But knowing that little bit of information helped ease the pain that I’d been carrying inside since I was found. I absentmindedly rubbed my chest with a closed fist.
The last time I saw Judah he was dragged out of the cell we were being held captive in together, his facial expression filled with acceptance. He knew without words needing to be spoken that we’d be torn apart. As hard as it was to admit, I think I died a little bit inside when he was taken. And I’d be the first to admit that I hadn’t healed from it. Probably never would.
