He shook his head, turning his attention across the street. “They said I’d gotten exactly what I deserved for being gay.” The words were spat from his mouth, vile as they were. That alone made me want to wrap Judah in my arms even tighter. I’d never understood why parents felt the need to kick their kids to the curb for loving who they loved.
“Can we go look over the river?” he asked, his voice small, afraid I’d turn that option down.
“Sure, Kid.”
“Why do you call me that?” he asked as he stood and we made our way toward the bridge. He glanced up at me, a genuinely curious expression on his face.
When Judah and I first met, he was just a kid–seventeen or so–quite a bit younger than me. Looking at him now, he looked just as lost as he had all those years ago, despite being an adult. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but there was something about him that nagged at me just the way it had when we were sharing a cell.
I shrugged, unable to put it into words.
“I really missed you,” he whispered, one pinky wrapping around my own. It was enough to give me momentary pause.
I smiled when we reached the safety of the bridge, looking out over the water flowing down below us, the hills beyond it. “Me too,” I muttered. At the time, I hadn’t realized just how true the statement was. There was just something about seeing Judah, being near him, that helped to put a little part of me at ease.
“We’ll stay in touch, right?” Judah asked, his voice small.
“Promise,” I replied, my voice cracking with emotion.
Perhaps, in time, when we no longer needed one another, we’d go our separate ways. But that time hadn’t come as of yet. It was difficult for me to admit, but I needed Judah. And I could see he needed me just as much.
Judah leaned his head against my arm, staring off in thought. It was clear that neither of us would be leaving today without both of us being changed. We may be swimming in our own pools of emotions, but we were more entwined than anyone could have ever imagined.
Ourselves included.
Deep down, I think we both knew that were bound to hurt one another. And in the end, the other would pay the price. Yet, neither of us could force ourselves to walk away. Everything inside me told me to run, that Judah was better off without me. Instead, I allowed myself to bask in the moment of calm before the inevitable storm came crashing to shore like a tidal wave, washing one of us to sea.
When Judah and I returned to the shop, Dannie was outside waiting for me. Without a word, I tossed him the car keys. He stood frozen for a moment, a shocked expression on his face, before diving into the driver’s seat, grinning like he’d just won the lottery. Normally, I wasn’t one to let anyone drive my car, but I was in no shape to drive after the afternoon I’d had.
I made my way over to the passenger side and gave a small wave to Judah, who stood just outside the comic book store’s door. He looked torn, near panic, but determined not to crumble. Which I completely understood because I felt close to breaking myself. I didn’t want to leave but I had shit I had to finish at home. Not to mention, I knew Mom would be done with her girl thing soon and would be coming to pick up Dannie.
Before walking back to the shop, Judah and I exchanged phone numbers. I knew I needed to take a step back before things went too far, so I made no promises to meet up again. Texting and calling I was open to. There was far less risk involved with that. I knew I was close to falling and that Judah go with me if he was close enough. Which was the last fucking thing I wanted. Keeping the one person I cared about outside of my own family at arm’s length was the only way I knew to keep him safe.
Sure, Judah was struggling for the moment, but he was strong. Far stronger than he even knew. He’d make it out on top. He didn’t need me for that.
“So, you two share a lot of history?” Dannie asked as he pulled out of the parking spot.
That was one way to put it.“Yeah.”
“He’s always been so quiet every time I’ve been in the shop.
“Mmm hmmm,” I murmured as I rubbed at my chest while looking out the front window.
“And touchy––with you, at least. The guy always dodges Nick, avoiding physical contact of any kind. I remember one day I was in the shop and Nick brushed his shoulder by accident. I could see his entire body tense from across the room.” Dannie shook his head. “It’s like the Grand Canyon divides them. But with you….” His words faded.
“What are you getting at?” I glanced over at him, but he didn’t see my look because he was paying attention to traffic.
“Nothing. Just stating what I’ve seen. Nick says the guy isn’tnormal. Not that that’s a bad thing. He’s just a little different.” Dannie shrugged.
“Yeah, Judah is a bit different, but he’s a sweet kid.”
He’s kind…everything this world needs more of.Of course, there was no way I was going to say any of that out loud because I didn’t need to make a fool of myself in front of my little brother.
“He’s a good friend.”
“Cool. You should bring him to meet the ‘rents.”
“No, thanks. He handles crowds even worse than me.”
