We walked next door in silence, neither of us saying anything until we both had a cup of coffee, which Zeek demanded to pay for, and had taken a seat at one of the empty metal tables away from nearly everyone. Then again, what was there to talk about? We couldn’t just pretend everything that happened wasn’t real.
“Kid,” Zeek’s voice was rough, barely above a whisper. “This shouldn’t be awkward. Especially for us.”
Despite knowing he was right, it did nothing to diminish the awkwardness.
He sighed, taking a large gulp of his coffee. After several minutes, I slowly lifted my eyes to his and let him see everything I’d kept bottled up inside. To my shock, he appeared to feel much the same, if not worse.
“I––” My words faded, unable to say more.
“What have you been up to lately?” Zeek asked, throwing me a lifeline.
“Uh…just working at the comic shop.” I shrugged, staring at the coffee cup in my hands. “Nick knows I’m not really a people person, but he’s been nice enough to let me work as much as I need or want, even though he doesn’t really need me. It’s not much, but it helps to pay for therapy. Which, whether I like to admit it or not, is definitely needed. My friend, Eli, helps me out with my apartment. If it weren’t for him….” I shook my head and closed my eyes, refusing to finish my sentence. “I’d have probably lost my apartment by now and been forced to move back in with him. And that’s just not going to work. Tried it once––not something I will do again.”
“Weren’t you able to get money from the settlement?” Zeek questioned, studying me.
Upon our release and capture of the kidnappers, the FEDS set up necessary therapy sessions for that of us that chose to take advantage while the case went to court. After the kidnappers had been found guilty at trial, the survivors were each awarded a set amount of money. It wasn’t a lot, given everything we’d endured. Not by a long shot.
I shook my head, dropping my eyes to the cup in my hand. “No. I–I didn’t fill out the paperwork to get anything. I wasn’t….” I sighed. “I wasn’t well.”
That is putting it mildly.
“Someone was supposed to get in touch with you. I know a lawyer of some sort tracked me down. Luckily, my brother dealt with it.”
“I was in the hospital. No visitors.” Not that it would have really mattered if guests were allowed because I didn’t want to see anyone. At that time, a good day consisted of me being drugged enough that I didn’t know the difference between up and down.
Without thinking, I ran a finger across the scar on my arm. It was hard to see, but it still served as a reminder of my failed attempt to end it all. To say it wasn’t well planned out or done right was a bit of an understatement.
“I should have sought you out sooner,” Zeek muttered, his voice cracking. “I’m so sorry, Kid. I should have done more, instead of wallowing in my own misery.”
The sad truth was that he still was. We both were.
“It’s okay. I’m not your responsibility, Zeek.” I lifted my eyes to meet his, fighting to keep the tears under control. “I’m doing okay now. Eli makes sure of that.”
“Sounds like you have a good friend.”
“Yeah.” I knew Eli meant well, and I would never tell Zeek, but Eli wasn’t what I wanted or needed.
Ezekiel
It was obvious that we were both miserable. The same feelings I held inside of me were swirling around inside of him and it made me want to reach out and hold him in an effort to take away all of his pain.
I knew it wasn’t all my fault, but that didn’t stop the guilt I felt inside for what he’d suffered. For what we’d both suffered. One minute, we were living our lives. The next, we were both thrown into a cell together and held captive for weeks on end, tortured and violated. That in itself made us closer than family.
I reached out a hand and clasped Judah’s in mine, my thumb running along his inner wrist. He was startled at first, but didn’t pull away or give any indication that I was to retreat. If anything, he gave the impression he wanted to crawl into my lap. And if I were being completely honest, I would have let him had we not been in public.
I know it wasn’t rational, but I wanted him as close as possible for fear that he’d disappear on me at any moment. The sad truth was that it was all my fucking fault for not searching him out sooner. Instead, I allowed my own mind to work against me. And while it still was, I refused to let it ruin whatever time I had with Judah.
When the two of us were being held captive together, I’d been the one for him to lean on. I couldn’t explain it, but from the moment I laid eyes on him I was struck with an overwhelming need to be the strong one for him, to protect him. And I was surprised to find that hadn’t changed. I needed to stay strong so that he could keep pushing forward.
“Aren’t we an awesome pair?” he sniffled through a chuckle.
I didn’t know what to say, so I sat silently, thoughts running through my head. There were so many words that we both could have said. Yet, we sat quietly, sipping our coffee.
“Tell me about yourself,” I said, leaning back in my chair.
“Not really much to tell,” Judah shrugged, rubbing his hand on his chest. “I’m pretty boring. Eli is my only friend. Other than that, I have a group of people who know nothing about me that ask me to go for coffee once every few weeks, but they aren’tfriends. And you already know my family wants nothing to do with me.”
“They didn’t change their minds after….” I didn’t want to say the words.
