As much as I wished it weren’t true, I needed a session at the club like I needed my next breath. Unfortunately, I also knew that was no longer an option. If I had to guess, Mistress Destri was probably there waiting for me to show up, along with the guards she likely had on lookout duty. And there was no way in hell I was going to give her that satisfaction. No, I’d have to find another way to get what I needed. And I would––in time.
Until then, I’d have to find other ways to occupy my restless mind. Which, today, meant doing the stupid fucking yard work I’d been neglecting. With any luck, manual labor would work just as well.
The yard resembled an untamed jungle. I figured I could start with the grass, assuming the mower worked that my dad had bought me last summer. My dad would have normally come over and taken care of it himself by now, but he had this irrational fear that the trees had bears in them. While it was very unlike, there was no convincing him of that fact. Dad was…well, Dad.
Growing up, Mom was the one who had to go kill the spiders in the house and garden. It had always been a running joke amongst us kids that Mom wore the pants in the family, and Dad took on the role of caretaker. A smile played at the corners of my mouth as I remembered better times. Things were so much simpler back then.If only I could go back in time and not constantly worry about my own fucking issues.
Shaking the thoughts from my head, I made my way into the shed and pulled out the mower. Thankfully, after filling it with gas from the carry-on tank, it started up without issue. I took my time, spending the next hour or so pushing the mower in parallel lines around the yard.
Up. Down. Repeat.
Sun high in the sky, sweat coated my overheated skin, causing my shirt to stick to my back. Pausing, I pulled the soaked fabric over my head and stuffed one end into my back pocket before picking up where I’d left off, careful not to mess up my perfectly overlapped lines.
I was on my final pass when something caught my eye near the corner of my house. Holding my breath, I debated what to do next.Should I run and hide? Should I scream? Fight?Panic crawled up my spine, muscles pulled taut.
A moment later, my mom and Dannie, who was glued to his phone, like always, came into view. My shoulders relaxed and I released the breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding as I pushed the mower closer to the house. My legs burned with each movement. Though, I had to admit, doing something productive actually felt good.
“I’d hug you, but….” Mom chuckled, motioning to my chest where sweat trickled down my overheated skin. I’d never speak the words aloud, but I was pretty sure that there was some running down my ass crack, too.
“Hey.” I gave her a small smile in greeting. The difference was that this time, it wasn’t entirely fake.
“I called, but you didn’t answer. I figured I’d just swing by instead.”
“Sorry. I decided to try and get a little bit of yard work done,” I muttered, my words coming out muffled as I used my already wet shirt to wipe the sweat from my face.
She waved my words off. “No worries. It’s good to finally see you doing something about this jungle. Before you know it, you’ll have kids running around here.”
“Yeah right,” Dannie laughed, his eyes never leaving his phone. “I can’t see Zeek with kids. Like ever, ever.”
“Hey!” I scoffed. “I have a niece and nephew whose company I enjoy.” Though, if I were being completely honest, Dannie wasn’t entirely wrong in his statement. My niece and nephew were one thing, but kids of my own was quite another. “Shouldn’t you be in school or something?” I asked, eyeing my little brother.
“That’s actually what I came to talk to you about.” Mom glared at Dannie, who simply shrugged his shoulders.
“Do I even want to know?”
“I hit a guy. It’s really not that big a deal.”
“Not a big deal? Seriously, Daniel? You punched another person in the face!”
“He was being a bully,” he responded nonchalantly. “Was I to just supposed to stand back and watch?” Dannie looked up at me and shrugged. “You’d have done the same thing, Zeek.”
“Ihavedone that same thing,” I corrected. “The difference was that I was in elementary school and I was the one being bullied.” All true. Eventually, I got tired of the spoiled kid making fun of my shoes, so I punched him in the guts. He never spoke another word to me after that. Unlike Dannie, I didn’t get caught. “That being said, you’re not supposed to get caught doing it.”
“Ugh––boys,” Mom groaned, shaking her head. “Anyhow, he’s suspended from school for the rest of the week. I have plans today, so he needs to stay here for a few hours.”
“Why here?” I questioned.He’s a teenager. Doesn’t that mean he’s old enough to stay home by himself.
“It was either I come here or I go with her to her boring book club.” He faked a gag, which resulted in Mom lightly slapping him on the back of the head.
“If that’s okay with you, dear?”
It wasn’t like I really had a choice. At least this way, I’d have a half-assed excuse to stay out of my own mind. The last thing my family needed to see was how hard I struggled to keep the darkness at bay, or how often I allowed it to implode my entire life.
“Sure.” I nodded in agreement.
“Perfect.” And with that, she snatched the phone from Dannie’s hands and turned, leaving him just as stunned as I was.
“Mom!”
