A soft knock sounded on the door a moment before it was pushed open. Moving just enough to look through one eye, I saw Scarlett standing there with a soft, understanding expression.
“Hey, Emery.” With slow steps, she came closer. Then, she sat on the edge of the bed, folding her hands in her lap. “How are you feeling?”
That was too hard to answer. There was no simple word, or sentence, that could explain exactly how I was feeling.
Instead of answering, I grunted with a half shrug.
“I know my words probably don’t mean much right now to you,” she began, keeping her voice low. “But it does get better. It takes time to figure out how to move past what you’ve been through. Some days are going to be harder than others.”
That wasn’t at all encouraging. Since I had nothing to say, I pressed my face into the pillow and let the tears continue to fall.
“Enzo would like to apologize.”
I highly doubted that. Enzo wasn’t one to feel bad for something he said. Not to me, and definitely not to anyone else. He was the one who always got on Steven’s nerves for doing just that.
“He’s entitled to his feelings, just like you are,” she went on. “And sometimes, our fear and worries make us say things out of context.”
“He’s right to hate me.” My words were muffed against the pillow, but Scarlett understood them all the same.
“He doesn't hate you, Emery. Far from it.” She paused, giving the words time to settle. “He’s protective, and that’s something he has to work through on his own. The chains Steven had on both of you are still strong, but not nearly as strong as the bond you share. So, will you at least hear him out?”
Fine.
I sighed, letting the word rattle around in my mind. It was pointless to speak it. After a heartbeat or two, I finally pushed myself off the bed. Keeping my gaze to the floor, I shuffled towards the living room.
With my arms wrapped around my torso, I concentrated on each breath. One foot in front of the other.
I felt like I was being led to the edge of a plank, ready to be pushed off to my death.
Spotting Ryker first, then Enzo next to him on the couch, I did what I knew best. I let my own needs take control for a moment. It was easier then thinking, easier than feeling.
I crawled onto Ryker’s lap, his arms my personal safety net. Here, the ugly world disappeared. It was easier to forget when there was one person who gladly let me shut the horrors out.
“Hey, sugar.” Ryker wrapped his arms around me as my head found its spot on his shoulder. I closed my eyes so I didn’t have to face Enzo just yet. I didn’t want to see his anger and hurt. I also didn’t want him to see that reflected in me.
My breath caught in my throat.
Ryker didn’t say a word. He only held me tighter.
Thankfully, Enzo didn’t talk. I wasn’t even sure he breathed. I was still mad at him. Sooner or later, he had to learn that my feelings mattered too. Or at least, I wanted them to.
For so long, my own wants and needs had been forced to the back of my mind. It had always been all about what Steven wanted. And what he wanted, he got. Every single time.
Before that, it was what my parents wanted—me having good grades and popular friends.
“Emery?” Scarlett was the one to break the silence. “We need to know you’re listening.”
“I’m here.” Didn’t mean I wanted to be. My two words must have been good enough for her and Enzo. I assumed there was some silent indication for him to start. I heard his deep breath before he spoke.
“I’m so sorry, Emery. Please.” His voice cracked at first, almost like he’d been crying for as long as I had. “You have every right to be upset at me. I really am sorry for how I talked to you. I’m,” he paused with a sniff, “jealous. I can’t help it, but I'll do whatever I can to try to not let it control how I treat you. I’m not Steven.”
“Neither is Ryker.” My words were stronger than I currently felt.
“I know,” Enzo said softly. “But there’s always going to be that voice in the back of my head that wants to tell me he’s exactly the same. And I'm trying. God, Emery. I’m fucking trying. I know you’re hurting, but so am I. Can’t you see that?” His voice finally cracked on a sob.
“You can’t treat me like I'm going to break,” I whispered, detangling myself from Ryker’s hold. I leaned forward, not hiding my hurt from him. “You have to let me figure some things out on my own. Let me do whatIwant. If things don’t work out, then be there when I fall apart.”
I was already in a million pieces, and it would take a lot more than words to put me back together.
