“I
can’t have what I want, though. What I dream about.” I dropped my gaze back to the empty space between us on the couch.
Ryker’s arms had felt amazing wrapped around me. It was so tempting to crawl into his lap so he’d hold me again. I was sure he was getting tired of me already, though.
“Why not? I’m sure there could be a way to make it work.”
Didn’t he know? There was no way I’d ever be able to havehimback. Ever. There wasn’t a way to make it possible.
It was my fault.
You deserve to suffer.
“Emery.” Ryker’s soft voice tore me apart as much as my own mind. Just in a different way.
Closing my eyes against the tears that were threatening to fall, I spoke the words barely above a whisper. “He’s not alive anymore.”
A thick silence blanketed us. I didn’t dare move, to open my eyes. All I could do was brace myself for whatever would come my way, be it yelling or fists.
I’d take it no matter what.
I startled as two warm arms wrapped around me, much tighter than before. Instantly, the tears I’d been fighting to keep back fell without my consent. At least I wasn’t sobbing like hours before.
“I’m so sorry.” There was a pause, but he kept holding me. “Losing someone you love is never easy. But you’re right; I can’t bring back the dead.”
He didn’t push me for more information. Ryker simply held me again, letting me cry against him as he held me in his grasp. It was almost as though he knew how I felt.
Truthfully, it wasn’t hard to guess how lost and alone I was. Anyone would feel that way after losing the love of their life.
Getting my emotions back under control, I pulled back slightly. Ryker dropped his arms, and, like last time, I wanted them back instantly.
“I’m going to get dinner finished. It won’t take long.”
I could only manage a nod.
A few minutes later, the mixed smell of beans, sauce and some sort of meat wafted around the space of the house.
The smell made my stomach rumble. I still waited until Ryker told me to eat.
Some habits were never going to leave.
The past few days—weeks, even—had been so different from what I’d known for years. I didn’t know how to stand on my own two feet, figuratively speaking.
I’d been in this house for a week already, and things weren’t exactly better, but they were definitely not worse.
Was I content? No. I never would be. Not when so much was uncertain these days.
For now, all I had was counting the days.
Sixty-four days left.
The night that Steven had taken me, my life had changed forever.
I would have been better off if I’d let him pull that trigger.
Ryker
After staying with Emery as long as I could, I finally made my way back to my place. There were moments where he was so easy to read. But then the next second, he’d close himself off.
