“No, it won’t be,” Toni said, leaning forward. “I’m not the only kid in the world that will end up ageing out of the system. A kid who has been thrown from one foster home to the next. The one that was raped before I ever grew boobs because my foster brother thought I’d be a great practice round while the ‘rents were out doing drugs. So tell me, Doc. Will it ever get better?” She paused, letting the words sink in for a moment. “No. Because I’ll never be able to benormalas everyone keeps claiming I will be. I wasn’t normal years ago, nor will I ever be years from now. I’ll have to drag my feet each day just to keep on living. What’s the point in that?”
“Touching lives is the point, Toni,” Dr. Mayes said, her voice calm despite the words being thrown at her. “Yes, right now life may suck and you wish to be anywhere else, but there are so many programs out there. We’ve talked about it just weeks ago. You had a plan. What happened?”
“I’m pregnant,” Toni said, dropping her voice. In the next second, she stood up and ran from the room without looking back at us. I didn’t hear the main door open or close behind her.
“I haven’t tried to do anything,” Sawyer said, breaking the thickening silence. “Have I thought about it? Yes. But I haven’t ever acted on it.”
“Then why are you here?” the girl with pink hair asked.
“Because of those thoughts,” Sawyer said. “My dad shot my mom, then himself. I was asleep and too young to really remember it, other than the sound of a gun going off. But over the years, my brother went away and I was taken care of by some aunt who had no clue how to care for a kid, let alone one as young as I was. I thought it was me. It didn’t help that my brother didn’t want anything to do with me at that age. So those thoughts were slow to creep in. Then one day, they were so loud, I checked myself into the hospital to seek help. I didn’t know what else to do. I just knew I needed help and no adult around me was in the place that they could help.”
“You’ve been here for almost six months now,” Dr. Mayes said.
“Yeah. It’s been about two years now all together. And I’m worried that if I stop coming to these group sessions, those thoughts will come back and I don’t want to handle that. I don’t want to deal with that fear that I want to hurt myself.”
“Since you’ve been in my sessions, you haven’t said anything about wanting to hurt yourself, Sawyer,” Dr. Mayes said.
“No,” Sawyer answered. “I haven’t once, actually. Friends help, and recently, my brother and I have been on pretty good terms. We have a friend in common who has also helped.”
I gave a small smile, one that no one noticed, at her words.
“Good. You know how important it is to have a friend, someone to keep you grounded.”
When no one came forth with anything else to add, Dr. Mayes went on. “Let’s talk about the relationships in our lives. Family. Boyfriends. Friends. Any and all types.”
“Yeah, no boyfriend for me,” Sawyer said, almost like she wasn’t sure if that was something to be proud of or not. “My brother would scare them off right away.”
“Why would he do that, do you think?”
“You’ve met Wyatt,” she said, giving the doctor a look that spoke more than words ever could. “Any idea of a boy in my life, and he’d happily threaten to put a fire below them.”
“He only cares about you,” I said, surprising myself by speaking up. “Wyatt’s world revolves around you, Sawyer.”
“He’s overbearing. But how do you even know that?”
“We talked at the cabin. He helped open my eyes that day to what needed to be done. So, really, I should be thanking him for getting me to see the light, so to speak.”
“What did you two talk about?” Dr. Mayes asked.
“Uh…” Now the words wouldn’t come. Everyone’s attention was on me in some way. My heart was stuck in my throat, and it prevented me from talking. I cleared my throat, and looked back down at the floor. “He helped me figure out that I need to find out what I want in life.”
“I see. But there’s more to it.”
“He saw my heart was torn between two people, one of whom is off-limits, since he certainly isn’t the type to want me.”
“Baggage?” Sawyer asked.
“No. He’s gay. And I shouldn’t even want him like that since he drugged me to kidnap me from my original kidnapper. But he’s became my best friend and I don’t know how to let him know what he means to me.”
“Just tell him,” Dr. Mayes said. “Write him a letter, if need be. I’m sure he feels the same way if he’s been around for everything.”
“He has enough going on. I don’t want to complicate things more,” I said. “He needs to focus on other things that don’t pertain to me.”
“What about the other man?”
“Dominic,” I said, a slight smile on my face. “He’s…he has my heart while I figure out what to do with my life.”
“I’d like to meet him,” said Sawyer.
