“Let me worry about how to take him out,” she said, almost too sweetly. “My plan is to get you as far away as possible from that man. He’s not right in the head, and I fear what he’ll do once you’re a full adult. The lengths that the man will go to keep you in this house.”
I knew my father well. He’d chain me up in the basement to keep me close if he thought I’d be going anywhere other than school.
“Where…where would we go?”
I didn’t want to believe her, but that small bit of hope had already sprung at the simple word.
“I know this family,” she went on. “They will help you, us, when the time is right. I’d take you now, but Alan is on edge, and it’s not the best time to make our move. But when the timing is right, we’ll get as far as we can.”
I wanted to demand that we leave right then and there. I’d have gladly done so at any time. What was she waiting for, anyway? It wasn’t like anything was holding either of us back at this point in time. Maybe I could talk her into going sooner rather than later.
“This family has a great house and a spare bedroom for you. I think you’d like it. And they will be the only ones who can keep you safe from Alan if I don’t kill him. But enough talk of that. How’s school going?”
“Fine.”
“What do you want to do after high school?”
“I don’t know,” I said with a shrug. I had no plans. It was hard enough one day to the next, trying to keep my head down without drawing more of Alan’s attention than I already did. “I haven’t thought about it.”
“You should, you know. That may be the only thing that can help you get out of here.”
I gave her a tight smile. I had other words that nearly came out.
I knew in my soul that I’d never really get away. Not from my father. Not from the damage he’d already done to not just my body but my mind, too.
“Have hope, Scarlett. Hope is what will save you.”
Isat up in bed, tears falling freely down my cheeks. I had no reason or energy to wipe them again as sorrow pulled me down. I was drowning.
The missing hole was wide open. Lisa was gone, and all I wanted was one more crushing hug from her. She would have been the one who could fix all of this. At least that’s what I wanted to believe and hold on to. I wanted her arms to wrap around me, caging the entire world from my deepest sadness.
A giant sob escaped my parted lips as her faint scent wafted around me. I knew it was just my imagination, but I latched on to whatever I could.
I knew she held secrets that I would never uncover. Ones that went to her grave with her.
I still wasn’t entirely sure if she really was going to help me get away from Alan. Or why she waited so long when she knew what was going to happen to either one of us.
Lisa was like a mother to me my entire life, and now she was gone. My one light in this world that kept me going was gone.
I didn’t know if my new family would stay beside me when they figured out that I wasn’t as well put together as I was trying to play off. Would they truly accept me for who I was, or would they shun me like I feared?
Only time would tell.
Setting my head against the wall, knees slightly pulled to my chest, I let the fear of rejection, the sadness of loss, and loneliness consume me. I didn’t want to fight it. I no longer held the strength to keep my head above the water.
“Today, we are going to talk about how to fight our dark thoughts,” Dr. Mayes said, taking her seat in the circle. She crossed one leg over the other at the knee.
I kept my head down, eyes at my feet as I fought off sleep. I was so tired, and sleep wouldn’t be anytime soon.
“Many of us here have not only thought about but have attempted to take the life that we were given—be it from bullies at school, parents, stress, or just normal everyday things. For us, here in this room, that isnormal.Attempting suicide may have seemed like the best way to go at that time, but it really isn’t. When you want to give away your life, you affect those people who care about you.”
“Those of us who actually have people who care,” Toni huffed, folding her arms across her lower stomach.
“That is often the case, or at least it feels like it,” Dr. Mayes said, not missing a beat. “But there is always at least one person out there whodoescare.”
“I highly doubt that,” she sniffed. “I’m only here because I don’t have a choice. Once I’m free to go back to yet another foster family, it’ll happen again and again. It won’t be any different. “
“It will be, Toni.”
