“You will. Once you find a reason to keep on building yourself up, you will. Doubt sucks, and it’s all part of the process.”
“One foot in front of the other,” I summed up.
“Exactly.”
Lost in thought, I didn’t notice that we’d made it back to my apartment until after Wyatt shut the door behind me, locking it behind him. I knew Sawyer wouldn’t be back for a few more hours, since she had her shift at work to do.
“Everything okay?” Wyatt asked, eyeing me like I was going to explode at any given moment.
“Yeah,” I answered. “Just a lot on my mind.”
“Is that good or bad?”
“I have no clue,” I said, meeting his eyes. “I have no clue how to take some stuff, let alone what to even do with my life these days.”
“I thought you wanted to find yourself?”
“Yes. But I have no clue how to do that, or even where to start.”
“You’re asking the wrong person here.” He shrugged. “Only you know what you want. No one can tell you what that is.”
Sigh.
I wasn’t any closer to figuring out what to do than I was four months ago. I was still as lost as I was at the beginning of all of this. The only thing I did know was that I had a family that stood behind me, helping me figure it all out. If only I knewhowto figure it out.
I was no longer at my lowest of lows, but I was nowhere near climbing a ladder, as Dr. Mayes had said. Heck, I wasn’t even building it right now.
“You’ll figure it out,” Wyatt said, taking a seat on the couch. “You’ll do the right thing.”
“It’s not about doing the right thing,” I said but trailed off.
“It’s the right thing foryou. No one else. You are the person that counts here. No one around you matters, for the most part. No one will tell you what is right or wrong when it comes to you. And if they do, then screw them. You, Scarlett Adams, are one of a kind who should be able to figure out what you want in life without everyone hanging over your head.”
“If only everyone else felt the same way,” I said, dejected as I took a seat in the chair and folded my legs underneath me.
“Isn’t everyone letting you figure things out?”
“Yes, but no,” I sighed, letting my head flop against the back of the chair. “They are to some extent, but when I talk to any one of them, it feels like they always want me to give them the answer that I don’t have.” Like I should be ready to go home, wherever that even was these days.
“Tell them that, then.”
“Have you met them?” I asked, lifting my head back up to meet his eyes. “Telling them that their lost family member is still as lost as she was a year ago isn’t going to help matters at all. They will be barging in through my door within hours.”
“But you have started,” Wyatt stated. “You’re stronger than you’re giving yourself credit for. You’re holding your own here, and anyone with eyes will see that.”
“I can hear their disappointment when they call and ask me how life is going,” I went on. “You have no clue how that hurts, but I’m so tired of pretending.”
“Then don’t pretend, Scarlett. Be who you are, and no one else.”
If only it were that easy.
With my arms wrapped around myself, I kept my head down as my father spat more hurtful words towards me. I wasn’t sure if I’d rather be standing here, being yelled at, or being hit. Either way, my hope diminished more.
“Sometimes, I wish you weren’t even alive, you filthy good for nothing whore,” he muttered, more to himself than me.
Before I could react, my head was forced upwards. His thumb and finger pinched my chin hard enough that I grimaced, a tear leaking from the corner of my eye.
“I think you should be homeschooled,” he mused, his eyes dancing with mirth. “Then I’d be able to come home and do whatever I wanted any time of the day. Wouldn’t you enjoy that? Being able to take care of my needs day and night?”
