“I’ll hold you to that,” Collin said, putting some antibiotic cream over the stitches that would be removed in another few days. I jerked at the unexpected cold touch. “Lift your shirt so I can check the other one.”
I lifted my tank top just enough for him to see the knife gash. He carefully pulled off the bandage. I hadn’t really looked at it, knowing how inflamed it would be. Just the air touching it caused a spike of pain to throb through my body.
“Looks okay. I’ll keep a close eye on it, though,” Collin said before putting a new bandage on it. “You’re lucky that man didn’t hit anything too important. I don’t know if I would have been able to fix you if he had.”
“How deep is it?” Did I really want to know?
“A little over an inch and a half,” he answered. “I know you’ve been told before, but you are one lucky girl. The knife was short, but it packed one heck of a punch. It…was a bit of an odd shape for a knife, which makes me wonder who it belonged to.”
“You’re very lucky,” Dominic said, coming into the room. “All that blood…I don’t know how you lived.”
“Don’t you dare say you shouldn’t have,” Collin said, his voice hardening.
Wisely, I kept my mouth shut. My eyes glared at the wooden tabletop.
“She only lived because Zevon killed the guy, and you woke up in time to put pressure on the wound,” Collin went on. “You can put your shirt down now.”
“I still have no fucking clue how he got in, or how he got past everyone.”
“Ace and Caesar are the only ones who know, and it’ll stay that way until they decide otherwise,” Collin said, lifting his eyes to meet Dominic’s. “All that matters is that he’s dead and will never be able to pull a stunt like that again.”
“And I bet that Ace will make it a point to show others what will happen if they try anything.”
I sat there, listening to the words and trying to read between the lines. I wasn’t really having too much luck. The pain was beginning to increase, causing me to have a hard time doing much of anything except breathing. I felt my pulse through both cuts, and in other places in my body that was just beginning to heal after what Alan did to me. With each passing minute, the pain edged further and further into my body.
Figuring that Collin was done checking everything, I slowly stood up and walked away from the table. “Gonna go lie down.” The words were muttered quickly, concealing the pain. Neither one of them stopped me, letting me go.
I barely made it to the room before the tears fell.
Alan had drilled into me that tears were for the weak. Tears only promised me more pain.
I lay on the bed, pulling my legs up to my chest. The pain helped to keep me grounded, just slightly, as I willed my sobs to not break free. I couldn’t let them know how messed up I really was. I was beyond help, yet they didn’t see that.
My pain was so much more than the physical. It was so much more than few cuts, broken bones and words that had been spat out at me. It was more than being raped repeatedly time and time again. My pain was raw inside me. I felt it with each breath I took.
Sometimes, it wouldn’t be at the front of my mind, but it always came back. Harder than before, too. It was always there, under the surface.
A soft knock on the door caused me to hold my breath for a moment. Before I could try to answer, it was pushed open. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, wishing I could just turn invisible.
“Oh, sweet girl,” Collin said. I heard his footsteps come closer to the bed before he took a seat. He laid a hand on my leg. “What’s wrong?”
I shook my head as tears continued to fall. I couldn’t stop them, even if my life depended on it.
“I can’t help you if you don’t tell me.”
Truthfully, I really didn’t know myself. For so long, I hadn’t felt much of anything. I had been so blissfully numb. Now, my emotions were on high alert.
“Y…you w…wouldn’t understand.”
“Try me, Scarlett.”
I took a deep breath in, mostly to buy myself some time. How was I to explain my thoughts? How would I be able to tell him, this man, how crazy my mind was? That I didn’t even know for sure myself?
“I don’t know,” I said finally, my voice weak and detached. “Everything. Nothing. I can’t stop crying. It just won’t fucking stop, Collin.”
“Okay,” he said, scooting and making himself comfortable on the bed beside me. After he found a position comfortable enough, he took one of my hands in his. “So, let me get this straight. You’re starting to feel things you haven’t felt in a very long time. And now, because of that, you don’t know to handle what you’re feeling.”
I shrugged. He was the doctor. Didn’t he know how to just make this crap go away?
