“You didn’t have to. I can’t be yours only at the lake, Miles. I’ve been in a relationship with someone who had another life, and I’m not doing it again.”
“Dammit, Avery.” Miles slammed a fist on the counter. “I’m not Trent. Don’t compare me to him.”
“Then don’t give me a reason to!”
It was the first time in the history of Miles and Avery that she had yelled at him. Maybe he wasn’t Trent, but he wasn’t being kind or caring either.
They both stood there, quietly contemplating the night, the summer, their past. A few minutes later, he pushed off the counter and walked away.
“I’m tired,” he said. “I’m going to bed.”
Miles walked into his room and shut the door, making it clear she wasn’t invited. She didn’t like how he fled when things got sticky. Working something out with him was impossible, especially since he didn’t seem to have worked it out for himself.
Her doubts were coming true. They’d left the lake and fallen apart. Maybe the lake was their haven from the pains of life, or maybe it put them into a continuous loop of reliving that summer. Ten years ago, it would’ve been tremendous a challenge to stay together after the summer ended, given the eight states between them.
Now they could overcome the physical distance, but it wouldn’t resolve the emotional and social gaps. It wouldn’t quell his instinct to run. Miles bolted when faced with too big of an emotional jump. Not being able to tell him she loved him was no way to have a relationship.
She didn’t need to be the only star in his entire universe, but she wanted to be the brightest one. The North Star, guiding him home. When he scanned the crowded sky, she wantedhimto findher. He could do it at the lake, but he couldn’t do it in the real world. Summer only lasted ten weeks. The other forty-two weeks, life got real. Avery wanted love, commitment, and trust. The things that made Miles flee.
After taking off her makeup and going to bed in the guest bedroom, Avery tossed and turned, chasing sleep for what felt like hours. Herheart was breaking all over again. At three in the morning, Miles came into the guest room and climbed into bed with her.
At least he hadn’t waited ten years to return.
“Avery,” he whispered. “I’m screwing us up.”
He snuggled into the nook of her shoulder, as if he couldn’t get close enough.
“We’ll figure it out,” she murmured. “Mimi used to say our problems look different in the light of day.”
She spent an hour listening to him breathe, thinking about that summer, this summer, Maine, New York City, all of it. Avery wanted to believe Mimi was right, but the light of day wouldn’t resolve whatever had happened after the gala. Some of their problems remained the same. Miles couldn’t commit to Avery the way she committed to him. Once again, she’d given away too much of herself. The pain of that raw vulnerability was simply too much to bear.
Consciously or not, he’d made her fears come true. She loved him, but she wasn’t sure he knew how to let himself love or be loved. Some part of Miles was always closed off and she couldn’t open it. Being together all the time, like they were in Maine, wasn’t sustainable.
Years ago, she and Miles had bonded together fast and fallen apart faster. A few hours ago, they’d gone fromI love youto broken in the blink of an eye. If history repeated itself, he’d say goodbye soon.
Unless she said it first.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Miles
July 23 - The Next Day
Miles woke the next morning clouded in brain fog, aware of the daylight but unsure of the time. His hands skimmed the mattress. Alone again. Not a trace of Avery’s warmth remained on the cool percale sheets. For a second, he thought she’d gone to the airport until he heard the shower shut off. He exhaled his relief and massaged his forehead.
They needed to talk about last night.
Mimi was right. Last night looked different today. He didn’t know why the second Avery said she loved him, everything inside him shut down, but he knew she’d meant it and he’d hurt her. There had to be a way through this. Other people entered long-distance relationships every day. With the pressure of the fundraiser gone, he felt calmer and a little more level-headed.
When Miles thought about it from Avery’s perspective, she hadevery reason to be upset. She was right; he hadn’t looked for her in the crowd last night. He’d needed space to process the way he’d felt when she’d admitted she loved him. He should have told her about his anxiety instead of shutting her out. Given his inattentiveness, it was a wonder she’d stayed at the party. Of course she danced with Paulson.
Hayes had managed the party so easily while doting on Anna Catherine. Anna knew people there, yet Hayes had included her in every conversation. Miles should have done the same for Avery. Instead, he had ignored her so he could stay in control of his emotions. Seeing her doe-eyed gaze would’ve reminded him of his silence, or worse, brought back the heart palpitations. No one wanted to donate to a cause led by a man covered in a sheen of anxious sweat. They wanted confidence, not distress. He’d accomplished a calm demeanor, but Avery had paid the price.
He rolled over to her side of the mattress and sunk his head into her pillow, surrounding himself in her divine floral aroma. He wanted to be the guy who knew what love was and gave it away easily. He thought about the couples he knew. Anna Catherine and Hayes. Lily and Nate. His parents. They opened their hearts easily, surethey had foundthe one. If they could do it, he must be able to get there somehow.
If he was honest, it had been a relief not to have to introduce her to every single person he talked to last night. He wasn’t ready for the panic of being asked if he’d finally found his person. His person. He hated that term. She was more than his person. She was everything, but somehow acknowledging her love felt like taking an exit labeledRoad to Ruin. The one where Miles freezes. And runs.
He needed to make last night’s fumble up to her, but she was flying to Portland later that morning for Lily’s bachelorette in Boothbay Harbor.Bright and Earlyhad him hosting three live segments on “Building Your Nest Egg at Any Age” this week, so he had to stay in the City. As soon as Wednesday’s show wrapped, he’d fly to Maine for Nate’s bachelor canoe trip. What a mess.
