Last night he’d given her no reason to believe he loved her. He needed time to fix that. Time he didn’t have.
He sat on the edge of the bed and ran his hand down his face. It made no sense for Avery’s love to paralyze him. She was everything he wanted: smart, kind, loving, honest, invested. Whenever he imagined his future, it was Avery sitting across from him at the end of the dock and standing beside him on the subway so he wouldn’t have to read alone to keep the world away. It was Avery leaning in for a kiss in his Mail Jeep as he turned around from looking out the back window and shifted out of reverse.
Miles wanted to be what she needed. Support her through her highs and lows. He’d get a dog, and that dog would be so much better than Casper because it was theirs. He’d train it. That sounded like love, and maybe it was, but he needed more time to figure out how to lean into his dreams without panic.
He had to apologize. Tell her about the tightness in his chest, the racing heartbeat, and the irrational, but real to him, parallel he’d drawn between love and loss. How he wasn’t sure he could say the one thing she needed to hear.
Winning her back needed more than flowers andI’m sorry. Maybe he should drop everything and fly to Maine with her today. Or show up tomorrow, at the bachelorette party,Jerry Maguirestyle. Except that wouldn’t be fair to Lily.
Through the bathroom door, he heard Avery’s hair dryer. He went to the kitchen, brewed tea for her, and left it on the bedside table next to her earrings and lip balm. Miles waited in the living room, semi-reclined on his nest couch, drumming his fingers on the velvet armrest. His mind scrolled through various ways to start a discussion. When Avery finally came out, dressed for her flight, he took it as a good sign when she sat next to him and not as far away as possible.
“Thank you for the tea.” She glanced at her phone, where thebright-pink Lyft app showed a map of his neighborhood. “Not sure I’ll finish it. My car will be here in four minutes.”
He reached for her hand, and she let him hold it but didn’t clasp his in return. She was a little shaky.
“Avery, about last night.” The couch squeaked as he shifted to face her. “I do know what it’s like to feel alone at a party. I didn’t handle the evening well, especially after we got home. And I’m sorry.”
His long legs didn’t know where to go on this low a couch, so he kept adjusting them. She drank a sip of tea and took a deep breath, slowly, as if preparing to say something she was afraid to say.
“Miles.” She smiled with a huff. “This summer is a giant déjà vu. All the way down to me telling you I love you, you not saying it back, and you putting physical distance between us. It doesn’t matter if it’s across ten states or across a ballroom. We are heading for the same end. And I can’t live through that a second time. I guess our love has muscle memory and is destined make the same mistake over and over again.”
His heart skipped a beat. They weren’t a mistake. She was everything.
“Wait. We’re so great together.” He squeezed her hand. “I walked into this damaged and afraid of truly enjoying the good things. Big feelings scare me, because so much can go wrong. And that’s on me, not us, not you.”
Avery again took her hand away and smoothed a wrinkle out of her jeans.
“We’ve been down this path.” Her voice cracked. “We spend every second together at the lake, and it’s great. But summer ends. Isolation and heartbreak follow. If last night proved anything, it’s that I don’t fit in your life here. It’s best if we end this amicably. Our best friends are getting married. We need to get along for them.”
Avery sat back on the couch and jiggled her leg. She checked the Lyft app. He could see the car was two blocks away and silently wished for a red light at the next intersection. Miles’s chest was splitting in half.They had the power to make this summer different, better than that summer. It didn’t have to end.
“Avery.” He reached over and caressed her cheek. “This summer is only like that one if we make it that way. Back then, I was a poor college athlete with a full schedule. You had three years left at Vanderbilt. That’s all changed. I can travel to see you, and I can make it easy for you to come here. I’ll do whatever it takes. I can lease time in a jet, so you never have to wait in an airport.”
She stared at her lap, and then her phone buzzed.
“My car is here.” She stood and he followed her to her bag, wrapping his hand around her wrist.
“If you think about it, we went into last night wanting the same thing. To be together. And a whole slew of people got in our way. I’m sorry I ignored you. Leaving you alone at a party should be easy to fix. Give me another chance at another party. And what you said to me before we left, I reacted poorly. And I want to say it back to you, but I’m slower at this than you. I have, um, issues I need to work through.”
She lifted the handle on her suitcase and faced him, tears brimming in her eyes. He stepped closer and wrapped his arms around her, wishing she didn’t have to leave now. When she buried her face in his chest, he took it as a sign she didn’t believe they were over. Telling him she loved him only to attempt to break up with him less than twenty-four hours later might be an act of protection. Avery was trying to break her own heart before he could. Miles knew the signs. He’d done it once to himself.
He reached over to the counter, grabbed his handkerchief from last night, and handed it to her. She took it, let out a small laugh, and wiped her tears.
“The thing is, Miles, Victoria’s right. You and I only work at the lake.”
Rage billowed in his chest. Victoria had no business putting that in her head.
“She said that to you?”
“Twice.” Avery wiped her nose. “That summer and this one.”
No wonder Avery didn’t like Victoria. Those were next-level head games. It had to sting when Victoria’s prediction came true. He needed to tell her about his anxiety, but not now, not when it sounded like an excuse, or worse, a plea.
Her phone rang. The driver. She asked him to wait and promised to be right down.
“I have to go,” she said as she hung up.
He followed her into the elevator and hugged her again.
