Avery moved her hand to his forearm, walking beside him, still trying to catch his eye. He gazed at Lennox instead, aware of the concern in Avery’s voice and touch. After marriage came kids—and yes, he wanted to be a parent, but something could happen to one of his children, or him, or his wife. Loss was a lonely path. Robert Frost lied. Sometimes, the road less traveled was riddled with brambles and thorns.
Anna Catherine’s laugh cackled from over near the lodge, coming their way. It was not the time to discuss their future. He needed to pullhimself together so Avery didn’t think she’d done something wrong.
“Mama’s coming and we need to clean your hands. Uncle Miles gave you gross dog-slobber-ball hands.” Avery fished out a wipe from the diaper bag.
She automatically knew what to do. And although Hayes and Anna Catherine called him “the baby whisperer,” Mr. One and Done had a lot to learn. Right now, he needed to stop thinking about the future and lighten the present mood. As much for himself as for everyone else.
“Hey, hypocrite.” His raspy voice hinted at his anxiety. He forced a smile, determined to smooth out his tone. “You told me dog saliva was equivalent to hand sanitizer.”
Avery let out a laugh and shook her head.
Lennox dropped the ball again. Casper caught it and she squealed.
“Teaching her to throw, I like it.” Hayes strode across the parking lot, Anna Catherine holding his hand.
“Miles, the two of you are so cute with a baby.” Anna Catherine sighed, putting a hand to her heart. “Your kids will be so adorable.”
For a second, everything stood still. Hayes shot Anna a questioning look, Avery busied herself cleaning Lennox with the wipe, Casper pooped in the corner of the parking lot, and Miles wondered if everyone could tell he wasn’t himself. A teardrop of cool sweat trickled down his spine.
Anna shrugged. “All the girls love Miles.”
“He hypnotizes her with all that charm.” Avery put the wipe away and pulled a poop bag out of her pocket.
“That’s our baby whisperer.” Anna grinned proudly.
Avery’s brow furrowed. Miles felt for Avery. This conversation had to be hard for her. He wondered if she assumed she’d have a baby by now. She probably did. Her sister was about to have her third.
He handed Lennox back to Anna, who placed her in the stroller. He wiped the cool sweat off his lip as his mouth went dry. His chestpounded in his ears again. His lungs tightened. He unlocked the Mail Jeep as a distraction, hoping no one else noticed his shaking hand.
“Hayes, we should go.” They’d be early if they left now, but Miles had an overwhelming urge to be anywhere but in this parking lot, keeping a cyclone of anxiety at bay.
Miles locked eyes with Avery, who had a poop bag over her hand, ready for the pickup. Her expression spun through a pain-stricken kaleidoscope of sympathy, fear, worry, melancholy. Emotions blended together, spread apart, and fell back together. She had to be questioning if they could weather all storms.
“I’ll see you after lunch. We’ll swim.” He quickly pecked her warm cheek.
Her arms wrapped around him, and her mouth came to his ear.
“You’re pale,” she whispered. “Are you okay?”
He nodded quickly, so she wouldn’t have time to decipher the truth in his eyes. He’d be fine. All he needed was space.
“I’m fine.” He placed another kiss on her forehead and left her with something normal to reassure her. “Have fun with Lily and Anna Catherine. We’ll swim later.”
Hayes kissed Anna and got into the Mail Jeep. Within seconds, Miles started the car, backed out of his spot, and raced from the parking lot. Only later did it occur to him he’d left a shocked Avery in the same parking lot twice. At least this time, she wasn’t crying. If she was, he wouldn’t know. Either way, he’d left her with a mess to clean up.
As they drove to the retreat, Miles tapped the steering wheel. Whenever he envisioned himself with kids, it was with Avery. He should’ve told her that. But there were a lot of steps beforehand—first comes love, then comes marriage, maybe. A lot needed to happen before a baby arrived, and they hadn’t discussed any of it because they’d only been back together a short time.
None of it was possible until he let go of this fear he was destined to lose anyone he loved.
Hayes sat quietly to his left, giving Miles a moment to think.
A couple of minutes later, Hayes spoke first. “Dude, I can feel your mind churning. What happened back there?”
“I’m trying to figure that out.” Miles drummed his thumb on the steering wheel.
“I’ve never seen you so shaken,” Hayes said. “I think Anna got ahead of herself and put you on the spot. We always assumed you wanted children.”
“It started before you got there. Avery and I are still in the fun phase. We’ve touched on what happens in the fall, when we’re living in two different cities, but nothing beyond that. And definitely no mention of kids.” Miles stopped at a four-way stop and stared at the road ahead. “All those women I dated were just dates. I want more with Avery. When I think of the future, she’s in the dream, you know?”
