He burrows further into the blankets until just his eyes peek out. He watches me. As soon as I’m lying down, Malin scoots toward me and cuddles into my chest. Once more, all the tension in his body melts away.
He’s asleep within seconds.
Sleep doesn’t take me for quite some time. I’m still perplexed about his sudden appearance in the night, with the only explanation being that he’s tired.
Worried about disturbing him, I remain perfectly still for a while. Between being woken up suddenly and this turn of events, my mind isn’t forming any coherent connections. My heart continues to race. It’s thudding in my chest with such force, I can almost feel it echoing throughout my body.
I don’t want the moment to end. If I’m dreaming, I want to remain in dreamland where Malin is in my arms. I’m unable to fight sleep for much longer, though.
When I wake, it’s because I have to piss. Ialmostforget that I’m not alone in bed. When I shift, I feel Malin’s body still pressed firmly to my chest. Once more, my heart speeds up. He’s really here. I didn’t dream it.
Placing a gentle kiss on the top of his head, I back away slowly, carefully untangling myself from him. When I’m finally out of bed, I look down at him. He’s so peaceful. So beautiful. He almost looks small.
Be right back, I tell him silently and turn for the bathroom. When I’m finished with my business, I brush my teeth and wash my face, scrubbing into my beard to make sure it’s clean and soft. I didn’t anticipate being this close to anyone tonight, never mind Malin.
When I return, I find Malin sitting up in bed with his knees to his chest, head bent, and hands covering his ears. It’s such a startling scene that I freeze. He flinches, almost as if someone hits him, and his attention snaps up to my eyes.
The only word that comes to mind is miserable. He looks absolutely miserable.
“Where did you go?” he asks, voice strained.
“Bathroom. Are you okay?”
He looks around my room, eyes flickering to the end of the bed, and then back at me. He nods. “Are you coming back to bed?”
“Yes.” I grab my phone off the nightstand and climb back onto the bed. Malin watches me, his shoulders stiff. He’s barely breathing as he watches me. I lie on my back. Once he’s convinced that I’m settled, he lies at my side, pressing his face into my shoulder.
As he did last night, he sighs. His body relaxes. He snuggles closer. I roll onto my side again so I can take him in my arms.
“I’m sorry I didn’t call first,” Malin says. “I didn’t have your number.”
“I’ll give you my number, but you don’t need to call. It’s okay.”
“I haven’t slept in weeks.”
“Do you need to talk to Mark?”
“No, he can’t help me. Not with this.”
I’m about to point out that there are sleep studies and clinics and stuff, but there’s something in his words that makes me pause. He settles in, and for a while, we don’t move. Don’t talk.
After a while, he begins getting fidgety. Adjusting just a little. I can feel his frustration as the minutes tick by.
“What’s wrong?”
“I have to pee,” he mutters.
I grin. “There’s a bathroom right there.”
He shakes his head. “I don’t want to leave the bed.” His face presses into my chest, and he inhales deeply. My smile continues to climb.
“I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here when you get back.”
Malin doesn’t respond. He spends the next twenty minutes trying to ignore his bladder, but eventually, he rolls away. I almost laugh at the grumpy expression on his face. It’s fucking cute.
He meets my eyes, and warmth fills my chest when I see the hint of a smile touch his lips. It vanishes a second later, and he looks away. His entire expression changes, and that same misery that I walked in on earlier begins creeping in.
Sighing, Malin sits. His face scrunches, jaw sets. He pushes the blankets off him and swings his legs over the bed. Before he gets up, he grabs my shirt from where it’s hanging off the chair beside the end table and wraps it around his head like a scarf.
