I park my car in the underground garage and take the elevator to the top floor. Most of the Van Dorens who work here are on the top two floors.
It’s not that they’re separate and unreachable. The entire building has access to the top floors, and the office doors are almost always open to everyone. Daddy Jalon believes in true open-door access. Closed doors mean do not disturb. Open doors mean collaboration.
The elevator stops on the third floor, and Jalon steps inside. He smiles at me. “Hello, Malin.”
“Hi.” I’ve been told I can call him Daddy Jalon or Grandpa or Uncle if I’m more comfortable with that, but something inside me says I’m an outsider who’s parading around under the Van Doren name when I have no right to it.
Hmm. I think those thoughts are in Ryan’s voice.
“How are you?” Jalon asks.
He’s such a kind man. I study him and wonder what it would have been like to have someone like Jalon raise me.
“Stop lusting after another man!”Ryan’s voice yells.
I’m not lusting. I’m wondering what a real childhood would have been like. “I’m okay,” I answer. Tired. Feeling angry and frustrated because I’m so tired.
Jalon nods. I think he knows I haven’t told him the truth.
“How are you?” God, this feels so formal. We’re supposed to be family. Aren’t we? I’ve never been good at conversations, though.
“I’m very good. Greylyn was asking about you yesterday. She hasn’t seen you on the lake this week.”
Greylyn keeps tabs on everyone. I kind of love it. The thought almost makes me smile. But then I wonder why I haven’t been on the lake.
“Bounce houses,” I say, frowning. They were still here when I looked last. That’s a lot of noise and takes away from the peace of the lake.
“Ah. We can find another location for them,” Jalon says.
The doors to the elevator open, and we’re on the top floor. I shake my head. “It’s okay. You can put them wherever you want them.”
“I want you to be able to enjoy the lake,” he says. “It’s not a problem at all. I’ll have them moved this afternoon.”
“Are they yours?” I ask.
He smiles. It’s a handsome smile. “I bought them, yes. I figured that the kids can enjoy them, and they’re easily changed out. Also, they’re not permanent, so we can take them down whenever we want, unlike a wood or metal structure.”
“Oh. That’s strategic.”
Jalon chuckles. “I thought so. Have a good day, Malin.”
I nod. “You too.” I watch him walk down the hall for a minute before turning toward my office. I have a coveted corner office, so my windows face two different directions. I can see a sliver of the lake and a wide-open view of the fields with the big house in the distance. Also, I can see that the bounce houses are still there.
This morning, as I step up to my office, I stop dead inside the door. There are piles and towers and stacks of what I think are phone books all over my office. The hair on the back of my neck stands on end, telling me that Ryan is just over my shoulder, looking in.
There’s a strange sense of déjà vu. Maybe the scene I’m looking in on is different, but I’ve stopped in the door just like this in the past with Ryan standing over my shoulder. A phantom touch reminds me of where his hand landed on my shoulder.
Swallowing, I step inside. That’s when I see Gracen sitting in the chair in the corner, though he stands quickly when he sees me.
He’s a big guy. Bulky. Hairy. His arms are enormous, and his hands are big too. By all means, he looks intimidating, and yet, I’ve seen him almost every day since he moved here, so I’m not entirely bothered by his appearance in my office.
My brain says he’s safe.
Then again, my brain still misses Ryan’s love so… can it truly be trusted?
“Hello, Malin,” Gracen greets.
“Hi.” I try to set my breakfast down, but there’s no open surface. I’m very confused.
