“I’m not questioning that logic, but shouldn’t you also mention an ex-wife when you start seeing someone?”
I smile and kiss his head again. Again and again. “Yes, and I would have. You know I have kids, so that would logically mean I’d been married at one point, right?”
“Or you could have hoed it up,” he says, peeking up at me.
The relief that he doesn’t appear like he’s going to take off makes me sag against the pillows. I pull Brevan back down again, and we settle under the blankets with him against my chest as if that phone call never happened.
“I’m so sorry,” I tell him. My fingers brush through his hair. “I didn’t mean to make you believe for even a second that I’m having an affair.”
“I should have known better. You’re the best person I’ve ever met.”
I close my eyes and rest my face against the top of his head. “I love how you believe that about me.”
“It’s true,” Brevan insists. “Everything you’ve done is so selfless. You were so dedicated to creating this space for queer people at the expense of your marriage and family.”
“That sounds selfish to me,” I admit.
“Kendrick, how many students have come through Rainbow Dorset since you’ve been here? We can even shorten that timeline and tell me how many have come through since you became provost? Did you listen to what our ambassadors said when we introduced ourselves in Iceland? How many of them came from bad situations and are now safe, confident, happy, educated, and stronger than they had been? That’s because of you and what you’ve built here! You didn’t build it for you. You built it for us. All the students enrolled; all those who came before me; the thousands and thousands who will come after me.”
I let his words sink into me. It’s hard to accept them, but if I’m willing to, then at least I can say that the sacrifice of my family wasn’t for nothing. I have something to show for it. Something good. Something I’m incredibly proud of.
“Thank you, Brevan.”
His arms tighten. “I’m so proud of you. I’m proud to know you. I think more people need to know you and what you’ve done for this school. For them. Always with them in mind. They should know.”
“You know what I want to know?” I ask.
Brevan shifts to meet my eyes, shaking his head. “What?”
“If you’ll be with me. Be my partner. Build a life with me. Maybe I wasn’t ready before, but I am now. I won’t repeat the mistakes I have made in the past. I promise. I made RDU my priority in the past, maybe mistakenly, but no more. You’re my priority now, Brevan. If you’ll have me.”
“Really?” he asks, voice almost a whisper.
I don’t understand why he sounds so surprised and timid. “Have I misled you into thinking I was only interested in sex?”
Brevan swallows and shakes his head. “No, but… you’re so… good.”
“That’s debatable, but I need you to tell me why you’re hesitating.”
“It’s just that… no one ever wants me. I don’t understand why you do. You could have anyone, so why me?”
Wow, there’s a lot to unload in that statement. The vulnerability, for starters. “Sweetheart, I don’t think you see your interactions clearly.”
His eyebrows knit together in confusion. “What do you mean?”
“Not that I want you to consider other options when I’m vying for your heart, but for starters, Xile has tried to show you their interest in you since the day we arrived in Iceland.”
Brevan shakes his head. “They’re just a nice person.”
We hold each other’s eyes for several minutes.Oh. He’s serious. “I bet if we asked Xile, they’d tell you otherwise.”
His skepticism doesn’t lessen.
“I’m not going to point out your other options right now, but I think maybe you need to have a clearer picture of yourself, Brevan.”
I watch as he wars with this information. My gaze becomes locked on where he traps his lower lip between his teeth while he weighs my words against what he believes about himself. I have a feeling that there’s more hidden insecurity there than what I know about.
“Well…” he begins and trails off.
