Perhaps I need a new story to write. Maybe that’s why I’m feeling a block right now, but having more than half a dozenstories in various states of completion means my readers might not be happy if I begin something new.
However, I kind of want to explore something more personal. Something like Shiv and me. But what characters embody that dynamic in my head?
Leaning back, I close my eyes and go through some of my favorite books and movies. Oh, I could totally see the angry British wolf shifter Ben being dominated. He’s totally a bratty sub, through and through. He would love to be dominated, though. Forcefully so. I just can’t think of someone else from the series right now to do it.
Let’s go science fiction. Ender is totally a dom. A quiet, unsuspecting dom. One you wouldn’t look at right away and think,he’s dominant. But again, I’m stuck with thinking of someone he’d dominate. Not his wife, Nova.
Interestingly, I never saw any true chemistry between them. Then again, from that series and others he’s written, I can tell that author isn’t a romance writer at all. There’s zero tension or chemistry between his characters. Like, ever.
Why is it so difficult to write a really good plotandhave a really good romance with it? I find it ridiculously strange because so many fantasy writers are all about the sexualization of women in their art and shit, yet if there’s a romantic plotline at all, it’s shit.
Anyway, those aren’t going to work for me, though reimagining his characters with different partners and giving them some actual chemistry would be fun. Especially in the Earth series. I forget which one it is. He took his only gay character and forced them into a straight relationship, which totally turned me off the series entirely. I haven’t finished it. That’s just gross.
Sighing, I sit back in my chair and glance at the clock. There are still a couple hours until I need to leave for hockey, butwriting isn’t happening today. I suppose I need to think about this a little more. Maybe get me a true epic fantasy world and a science fiction world to inject some steam into. That way, I always have something to get me interested in writing.
I take my empty bowl and plate to the kitchen then go about putting away my three sisters soup and wrapping up the remnants of my cornbread. Then I wander through my house while thinking about relationships that felt off in books.
Maybe I’ll spend the remainder of my afternoon scrolling through the books on my read list to see what sparks an interest. Tablet in hand, I drop onto the couch on my three-season porch. Might as well get some more use out of it before it gets too cold to enjoy it. Already, there’s a brisk wind, so I grab the white, black, gray, and red wool blanket with a wolf spirit on it that's draped over the back of the chair. My grandmother hand wove it more than a decade ago, and while I try not to use it because I’m worried about wear and tear, I love to wrap up in it and keep her close.
I really ought to take notes on the books I read. I can’t remember who’s in them at this point, which I suppose might speak for itself, right?
I’m distracted when my phone rings, Coach Shively’s name flashing on my screen. I smile and answer.
“Hello, Coach.”
He sighs, so I know I’m not talking to my coach right now. “Hi,” he answers, and I’m happy that it sounds like he’s smiling at least.
“You okay?”
“I am. I took a bath like you said, and it helped.”
“Good to hear. When do you head to the arena?”
“Not for another hour.”
“What’re you going to do until then?”
Shively doesn’t answer for a minute. “I’m nervous, so I’m pacing.”
I know we’ve already come a long way since he answered with the truth instead of telling me he’s fine. Or nothing. “What makes you nervous, Shiv?”
He sighs. “I have this overwhelming feeling that someone is going to come up to me and tell me they know what we’re doing.”
“Do you think you feel that way because you want this to end and you need a reason to do so, or do you think you feel that way because you’re afraid you’re going to have to choose between this relationship and hockey?”
“No,” he answers quickly, and I can hear the sincerity in his voice. “I don’t want this to end at all, Dasan, and… yes, I think it’s definitely closer to the other option. Now that I hear the words out loud, that’s definitely it.”
“You fear having to choose.”
“Yes. Being forced to make a choice.”
“I won’t make you choose,” I promise him.
“No, but if someone finds out, I think I’m going to have to choose. How do I make that choice?”
This isn’t exactly a question I can answer with any confidence. I can’t even give him a direction to lean because when it comes down to it, that decision would need to be his own without anyone else’s influence.
“No one knows about this, Shively. Our secret is safe. You don’t have to make that choice. All you need to do today is be Coach Shively and guide us to a win tonight. I know you can do that, and do you know how I know that?”
