My eyes roll. I can’t even listen to myself because, right, likethatwas ever going to happen.
In a way, it feels as if Lie was always meant for me. Nason wasn’t. There was a brief moment in time when I crushed on my best friend. There were times when I thought life would be so easy if we loved each other.
What really happened is I now have a piece of Nason in front of me whoisperfect for me. Everything about him,exceptthat he’s Nason’s son.
That’s a big exception, though. Not a small, piddly thing I can just brush off.
The question plaguing me is what I’m supposed to do.
“Maybe that’s the wrong question,” I murmur to myself. Kellan asked me what I want. What do I want? Not in an ideal world. Not if I take one thing out of the equation. What do I want?
When I look up, I find I’m standing in front of Nason’s house. All the lights are off, which isn’t surprising since my phone saysit’s almost one in the morning. Oof. I’ve been wandering for hours!
I creep around the side of the house and tap gently on Lie’s window. Silence. Is he even home? I tap again. After a third attempt, his sleepy face pops up. When he meets my eyes, his eyebrows knit together in confusion.
He slides the pane up. “You forget where the door is?” he asks. “Or how to read a clock?”
“Sneak out,” I say. “Come over. I have things to say and I’m going to lose my nerve if I don’t say them now.”
“Laiken—”
“Please, Lie.”
He closes his eyes. I think he’s going to refuse, but his head nods subtly, and he backs away.
I move away, glancing at the side of the house. His bedroom windows are the only ones on the side. His parents’ room is beside his, but the large closet is on the outside wall, so there are no windows. They can’t see me where I stand.
Lie appears a minute later, barefoot, shirtless, and staring at me with his hair sticking up. I grin, nodding toward my house, so he follows.
Inside, I lock all the damn doors and pull him into my bedroom, bringing him into bed and pulling him to my chest. His body is stiff. Tense. Hesitant.
“I’m sorry for how I’ve been treating you this week,” I say. “I’ve been caught in this endless loop, unsure what to do.”
“I figured.”
“Nason walking into the house while I literally had my dick in your guts really freaked me out. I was borderline having a panic attack once you left that night. Losing Nason will be devastating, and I feel like that isn’t just a possibility, Lie. It’s an inevitability. He’s not going to forgive me. This isn’t something he’s going to look beyond.”
“Why did you drag me into your bed for this conversation?” he mutters.
I grip him tightly. “Because losing you will break me, Lie.”
His breathing stops. His heart races against my chest.
“I don’t know what happened here. I keep thinking about all the shit I should have done. How I should have handled this. How much of myself I should have allowed to get close to you, but at the end of the day, we both know the answer.”
“It shouldn’t have happened at all,” he whispers.
“Correct. That’s therightthing. On both of us.” I roll us over so I’m on top of him, so I can stare into his beautiful, dark eyes. “But you know what I really feel? What I’ve been trying to fight for fucking weeks while it just grows and grows?”
He swallows, shaking his head.
“I have this overwhelming feeling that you were always made for me. As stupid as it is, I have this irrational, stupid feeling that Nason knew that, and he made you for me. He even branded you as such by giving my middle name as yours.”
“I’m not sure he’d agree with that logic,” Lie says, amused.
“I know, right? I’m standing by that logic.” He snorts. “But the point isn’t that exactly. The point is, there are a lot of things I can say I can’t do with you, but they’re all lies. The only thing Ican’t dois walk away from you. I can’t let this end. I can’t stop being with you. I can’t stop myself from falling in love with you.”
Lie takes a deep breath, eyes wide and shining. He doesn’t speak for so long that I’m shaking.
