“What can I do?” I ask. “What do you need right now?”
He takes a shuddering breath and shakes his head. “I don’t know that there’s anything you can do. But thank you.”
I hold him for a long time. Mostly for him, because it’s all I can think of doing. But also for me. Because I don’t know how long it’ll be before I see him again. He will come back, right? Why does the pit in my stomach leave me with doubt on that?
I choose to keep us at the hotel instead of going to the airport super early. At least he’s comfortable here, and I can keep him company. I can give him some comfort. At the airport, he’ll be on his own.
However, I don’t dare leave the airport voyage too long since there’s security to get through, and you never know how long that’ll take. Far before I’m ready to let him walk away from me, I load him and his suitcase into the rental car and head for Phoenix’s airport.
I park in short-term parking so I can go in with him. We use the self-check kiosks and then drop his suitcase off. With his hand in mind, I walk us slowly down the length of airline check-ins until we’re standing in front of TSA.
The lines aren’t ridiculous, so I bring him into my arms and hold him tightly. “The password to my tablet is your birthday—oh-five-oh-nine. There are some snacks, too. Make sure you call when you land. I don’t care what time it is. Okay?”
Arush nods. His fingers dig into my back as he hugs me fiercely.
“This isn’t goodbye,” I promise. “I’ll see you soon, but take all the time you need with your family.”
He nods again. I’m not even sure he’s hearing me.
I keep him in my arms for as long as I dare, but I can’t let him miss his plane. Not when it’s this important. I cup his face in mine and wait for him to meet my eyes. “Call me. Promise?”
Arush’s smile isn’t happy. It’s small and sad, and the fear in his eyes makes my chest tight. I feel so helpless. “Promise,” he answers.
“Go. Don’t miss the plane.”
He nods and then presses his lips to mine. My eyes close, and for just a moment, the world falls away.
But it’s over too soon, and he’s heading for the security line. I watch until he’s no longer in sight before turning to the exit. Even though I promised that we’d be together again, it feels like he just walked out of my life.
Three months with Arush Bakshi isn’t enough. Forever won’t be long enough. But his family needs him, which means I need to let him go.
CHAPTER 32
ARUSH
It isn’tuntil I’m deboarding in L.A. that I realize Julian isn’t with me. I look everywhere for him before realizing he didn’t come with me.
The already-sick feeling inside me over my sister doubles. Fresh tears sting my eyes. He didn’t come with me!
I know I shouldn’t be concentrating on that right now. The most important thing is getting to my sister. I refuse to say that I need to get to her to say goodbye before she dies. She won’t die.
It’s clear I’ve been moving in a daze because the second big realization I make is that my father didn’t tell me which sister was in the accident. Not that it matters which. Both would be equally devastating. But I’d at least like to know which sister I’m… not losing.
Wait, that doesn’t work. I refuse to lose either sister. That’s what I mean.
But as I board the next plane, once again in the little cabin room of super first class, I think of Julian. My sister’s life is hanging on by a thread—not that I know for certain, because my father wouldn’t tell me anything—and I’m thinking about Julian.
He sent me home, after all.
Admittedly, a piece of me has been waiting for it. All kinds of stupid reasons in support that this was coming all along fill my head. He never corrected anyone when they introduced me as his friend. He didn’t get on the plane with me. He didn’t tell anyone in the building right that we’re not just roommates.
Did all these little things add up and point in this direction from the beginning?
But he told me I was important to him. He surprised me with the most romantic, most meaningful birthday trip ever. We were making plans for later this summer. He said if he was traded that I’d be moving with him.
He said that in front of the entire gym full of people. There were witnesses.
I don’t sleep much on this flight at all. Between the sick feeling over my sister and the tight feeling in my chest that Julian sent me back to India, I feel awful. Completely and utterly shitty.
