I’m less familiar with Lo and Caulder, having been around them far less. Most of the moments I’ve seen between them are actually things that I hear when we’re playing games. Caulder is only there maybe half the time since they play for separate teams and aren’t always able to be in the same place together.
But their love is loud. Not because they push it in your face, but because so many casual comments I’ve heard that seem so natural have a way of making me long for something similar.
Constantly.
“Gender is a construct,” I remind myself as I pull into the arena. I need to shelve the fact Arush is a guy and focus on him as a person.
Yep. That’s what I’m going to do.
I’m distracted for the entirety of practice as, once more, the shadows of hope flutter through me. This can work. Right?
On the way home, I’m struck with the idea that maybe Arush might not want to since I’ve been so… weird since picking him up at the airport. Ugh. Did I really fuck up already? God, why is life so difficult? Why can’t we justknowwhen something is right? Why do I have to search so damn much for the one person who makes my heart happy and won’t get annoyed that I’m asexual?
Arush is that person, a quiet voice whispers in my head.
He can be, right? His words from last night follow that thought.“I’m still the same person you chose.”
He is.
I open the door and stop short when I find Arush standing just inside the entryway. At first, I think he’s on his way out. But given the way he’s looking at me, all nervous and trying to curl in on himself, I decide that maybe that’s not why he’s standing there.
“How was practice?” he asks as I make my way inside. He reaches for my gear bag as I begin peeling off the outside layers. I let him take it since I’m not quite sure what to do right now.
“It was okay. My team kind of sucks this year so… that has a way of fucking with our game even more, but it was all right.”
He nods as I step closer to him. “Where does this bag go?” he asks.
I take it from his hold, though he lets me have it back reluctantly. “I’ll show you,” I tell him and move toward the back of the condo where the laundry room is. “One of the reasons Ichose this specific condo was because there’s a big tub in the laundry room.”
Arush looks at it with his brows puckered. “Why? This seems like a weird place for a tub. Is it an American thing?”
I laugh. “No. We’re weird, yes. I think, based on how high it is from the floor and how deep it is, that the previous residents washed their pets a lot. I think this is the kind of tub that groomers use.”
“Oh,” he says, still frowning.
I turn the water in the tub on and plug it up before pulling the Oxi cleaning powder from the shelf. With a scoop spread throughout the water, I squirt a bit of Dawn dish soap in there, too. Then I open my bag and bring my gear out, giving each piece a light wipe down with a soapy cloth before letting it soak.
Arush watches before bending to take a piece out. I grab his arm and he freezes, his eyes darting up to mine. My breath catches as a jolt streaks through my body. His lips part as he stares at me.
“You don’t have to,” I tell him. “Hockey gear can be really smelly because we sweat so much.”
“Okay,” he says, voice sounding breathless. As soon as I release his arm, he pulls out one of my leg guards and mimics what I’m doing in the tub.
I smile, bowing my head so it doesn’t become too obvious.
“Did you make a food list?” I ask.
Arush sighs. “Yes, but—” He bites his lower lip. “I’m going to be honest with you. I come from a pretty wealthy family and I’ve never cooked a day in my life. I have no idea what’s in the kitchen.”
I chuckle. “I think your profile says something about you coming from an upper-class home.”
“Yeah.”
“Did you make out with breakfast okay?”
He nods. “It was good.”
“Did you burn yourself?”
